Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision.
While
we are living in the renaissance
era nowadays and the internet Capitalize word
Renaissance
becomes
available in Wrong verb form
has become
each
home , Correct determiner usage
every
thus
it has led to some drawbacks which are reflecting
on the children, in Wrong verb form
reflected
this
essay, I shall elaborate on , also
I shall reveal my point of view.
To begin
with, the
dealing with Correct article usage
apply
this
platform has two both
sides; Correct pronoun usage
apply
therefore
, the positive point from
it is in helping the Change preposition
of
child
in the school classes as a teaching device while
, the negative point is the bad utilizing
of it by the growing Replace the word
utilisation
child
, beside
, the Replace the word
besides
child
's brain looks like a sponge, it's absorb everything ( the good and the bad) furthermore
, this
platform has a countless of other people , scammers, and bad sexual behaviours. Moreover
, they can grab the chance to exploit the youngsters.
On the other hand
, it is clear that
,
the role of the parents Remove the comma
apply
are
extremely significant Correct subject-verb agreement
is
on
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
child
supervision,
Correct word choice
and, furthermore
furthermore
, the monitoring of which application that
their Correct word choice
apply
child
deals with, and communicates with. I wholeheartedly concur with this
idea of keeping the focus on the young. For example
: deleting the suspected application, and allow
the kid Wrong verb form
allowing
using
Change the verb form
to use
a limited programmes
, and Correct the article-noun agreement
a limited programme
limited programmes
select
the folk or Wrong verb form
selecting
student
that he communicated with.
Fix the agreement mistake
students
Consequently
, the risk of the harmful effect on the offspring will decrease.
However
, we are seeing nowadays, how the bad person black mails
the kids .
Correct your spelling
blackmails
Additionally
, the education of the offspring is a crucial matter to make theim
alert, and Correct your spelling
them
distingush
Correct your spelling
distinguish
scammer
and Fix the agreement mistake
scammers
to
be away from learning violence and sexual orientation.
In a nutshell , Fix the infinitive
apply
internet
is an informative tool but it is Add an article
the internet
also
having hindrances and problems, thus
, why parents should keep their youngsters under supervision, moreover
,educated
Wrong verb form
educating
theim
to be capable Correct your spelling
them
for
facing the setbacks Change preposition
of
as a result
, to be a
Change the article
apply
well formed
in the future.Add a hyphen
well-formed
Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on
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introduction conclusion
Your introduction is generally clear and introduces the topic, but it could be more concise. Try to avoid unnecessary phrases such as 'in this essay, I shall elaborate on, also I shall reveal my point of view.'
supported main points
Be sure to develop your main points more thoroughly. For instance, the paragraph about negative internet usage could benefit from more detailed examples of scams and online dangers to clarify the risks.
logical structure
Pay attention to your logical structure. Though you address both positives and negatives of internet use for children, the transitions between points can be clearer. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next.
complete response
Your essay addresses the task well by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of internet use by young children and offering solutions involving parental supervision.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which helps to create a cohesive argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
You show a clear understanding of the topic and present comprehensive ideas on the role of parental supervision and education.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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