Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view
Since some people argue that
animals
should be kept in captivity
such
as zoos to protect both animals
and humans from any dangers, others think that it is generally incorrect to keep animals
in captivity
. In this
essay, I will explore the pros and cons of keeping creatures in prison and try to draw some conclusions.
Firstly
, I will start by looking at the advantages of how it is beneficial for humans and animals
to keep creatures restrained. One of the major plus points is that in captivity
the amount of the
protection of the endangered species from Correct article usage
apply
the
extinction is Correct article usage
apply
icreased
. To explain, the government put laws and roles for those species to protect them Correct your spelling
increased
such
as from overgrazing as well as
serve the health meals, safety and other medical facilities they needed. For instance
, due to
the consumption of plastic waste and throw
it Wrong verb form
throwing
in
the sea, many Change preposition
into
fishs
and other Correct your spelling
fishes
fish
animals
lost
their life since they Wrong verb form
lose
are
eat the plastics. Unnecessary verb
apply
Although
the government now put a rule on the use of plastic yet still if they were preserved earlier they can protect more species.
Secondly
, putting the animals
in small places might result in worse sometimes. Since animals
need large spaces to roam and hunt. In contrast
, the small area makes them feel alone, and moody which indirectly affects their health and mental conditions. As well as
it may affect the food chain as well. For example
, grass produces its own feed from sunlight and rabbit
Fix the agreement mistake
rabbits
eats
grass, Correct subject-verb agreement
eat
Furthermore
, Human beings are the predator
of all producers and consumers.
Fix the agreement mistake
predators
To sum up
, by observing both positive and negative aspects of keeping animals
in captivity
. Despite sometimes they feel
alone and separated from their family, we can not ignore the fact Wrong verb form
feeling
this
preservation will keep them safe and give them medical facilities. The government can arranged
inside the Wrong verb form
arrange
zoos
large areas to take over the problem.Change noun form
zoo's
zoos'
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay does address both sides of the debate and provides a conclusion, but the ideas are not fully expanded. Try to give more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and flows reasonably well, but some sentences can be clearer. You sometimes mix ideas in one paragraph. Try to stick to one main idea per paragraph and provide clear topic sentences.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the debate and states your intention to explore both sides.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of your essay and offers a solution to the problem discussed.
Balanced View
The essay shows a good attempt to balance both pros and cons of animal captivity which demonstrates a fair approach to the topic.