In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.
At the present time, the population of some countries requires a journey of a tiny period approximately a year between finishing grade 12 and before high studies. It is true that people's lifestyles today have been affected by work-life imbalance. Despite the fact that the trend has some demerits, I would argue there are more merits.
This
essay explores how the benefits of driving outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand, there are several advantages of travelling after high school. the principal positive is that he or she gets a great adventure in life. Linking Words
For example
, an article published by Al Watan -revealed that" youngsters who move, Linking Words
they
acquire more confidence in their personality". to demonstrate more, some Correct pronoun usage
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challenges
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of challenges
as well
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as
they build new experiences and skills. Correct word choice
and
Consequently
, everyone should appropriately manage theirLinking Words
mount
lifestyle.
Correct your spelling
mountain
On the other hand
, there are some impacts associated with the journey after education. First and foremost is the rising cost of money. Linking Words
For instance
, if someone has travelled through a year , he or she needs at least 6000$ to get a good life. Linking Words
Additionally
, many public are losing their life-work balance . Linking Words
Furthermore
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this
problem can result in mental and physical illnesses.
In conclusion, there are strong arguments on both sides. Linking Words
Therefore
, I strongly believe that the superiorities ofLinking Words
merits'travelling
outnumber its downsides. The community should get a chance to change their lifestyle and acquire experts by mixing cultures.Correct your spelling
travelling
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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly presents both sides of the argument to add more depth to the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help in illustrating your points effectively.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations and ensure accuracy in the figures and statistics you present. Verifying data improves credibility.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphing more deliberately: each paragraph should focus on a single main idea for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. Using linking words and phrases effectively can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each main point is well-supported with examples and details. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for the essay.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages, which is essential in addressing the task response.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.