IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that paper money and coins will be completely replaced by credit cards and online methods of payment in the near future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #paper #money #coins #credit #cards #methods #payment #future
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well, I don't agree with that. I think in the future we will still use paper money and coins, but that will of
course
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 depend on the buyer and seller, if the seller doesn't provide digital
payments
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 of
course
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 the buyer will make cash
payments
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.  Because the use of digital
payments
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 is not possible for all
countries
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, especially if that country does not yet have
internet
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that is
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 distributed evenly in every city. There is even a village in Lebak Regency, Indonesia which prohibits
internet
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 access to the village for historical and cultural reasons. Of
course
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, it is certain that online
payments
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 will not be possible in
this
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 village. Another reason is people's ability to use the
internet
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 or other online methods or what we usually know as clueless.  But
on the other hand
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, non-cash
payments
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 are possible in developed
countries
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, because of
course
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 they already have an adequate network structure to be able to distribute the
internet
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 throughout their regions. 
However
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, in several developing
countries
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 they have started to change their types of
payments
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, but
this
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 usually happens in large cities or the capital of the country,
for example
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, the city of Jakarta is the capital of Indonesia, currently all transactions are using non-cash, be it only buy food from street vendors. So
overall
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, replacing card or digital transaction methods in the future may occur in
countries
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 that can provide good networks, but it may not be optimal in
countries
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 where people are not yet technologically literate and where
internet
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 distribution is not evenly distributed.
Submitted by mutiaraanggun1995 on

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task achievement
Include a more structured introduction and conclusion. This could help frame your argument and summarise your key points.
coherence cohesion
Try to link different ideas with cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples which strongly support your arguments about the disparity in digital payment adoption between developed and developing countries.
task achievement
You've used clear and comprehensive ideas to explain your standpoint, making it easy for the reader to understand your perspective on future payment methods.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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