Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people opine that om a
growth
of
children
factores
Correct your spelling
factors
factories
like Television, friends music have
bigger
Add an article
the bigger
show examples
effect rather than their family and others think
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
has
biggest
Change the article
the biggest
show examples
impact on a
children
's
upbrignging
Correct your spelling
upbringing
and
growth
. I shall be discussing both my
opnions
Correct your spelling
opinions
further
in
this
essay in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with,
parents
play
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
role in the foundation of
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
behaviour in terms of emotional
amd
Correct your spelling
and
socioeconomic
factors
. They instill values and norms in a
child
which a
child
learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just by seeing and observing
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
at home.
Parents
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
to inculcate every positive attitude they want to see in the personality of their
child
. Perhaps,
children
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
to get more
influneced
Correct your spelling
influenced
by their
parents
rather than anyone else.
Moreover
,
parents
understand the emotional needs of their
children
which leads to
establish
Change the verb form
establishing
show examples
the basic behaviour of a
child
.
On the
Contrary
Fix capitalization
contrary
show examples
, television, social media, friends and music these days are the other external
factors
by which a
child
id
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
largely affected and he/she tries to copy their favourite star or musician.
Children
find role models in terms of TV actors nowadays which greatly affects their
growth
.
In addition
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
times
Add a comma
times,
show examples
social media is something
that is
used
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
great
Add an article
a great
the great
show examples
source of income so
parents
by themselves uplaod
vedios
Correct your spelling
videos
of their
children
to make money which is
prominent
Add an article
a prominent
the prominent
show examples
factor affecting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
growth
of a
child
.
To conclude
, both internal
factors
and external
factors
play major roles in the
growth
of a
child
,
however
in my opinion
parents
have
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role in nurturing
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
child
. From emotional
growth
to social
growth
Add a comma
growth,
show examples
a
child
can
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
just by
oberving
Correct your spelling
observing
their
parents
.
Submitted by simranjit2598 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The main points are present but can be supported with more specific examples and details to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to the overall argument, improving the logical structure of your essay.
general
Pay attention to accurate spelling and grammatical structure; this will help in clearly conveying your ideas and improving readability.
task achievement
Try to provide a balanced view by giving equal weight to both sides of the argument before presenting your own opinion in a clear manner.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, making it a complete response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary influence
  • development
  • instill values
  • norms
  • emotional foundation
  • social skills
  • role modeling
  • socioeconomic status
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • external factors
  • peer influence
  • teenage years
  • impact mood
  • cultural understanding
  • environment
  • role models
  • social media
  • shaping modern childhoods
What to do next:
Look at other essays: