The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely believed that
people
Use synonyms
consider payment as an important factor in choosing their
job
Use synonyms
. I strongly refute the idea because I think that even though higher income results in
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction, nothing can outweigh our
health
Use synonyms
and safety. On the one hand,
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction is significantly bound to the amount of payment.
In other words
Linking Words
, the more
people
Use synonyms
earn from their career, the more they are satisfied with it. Based on a recent survey conducted on employers with the same
job
Use synonyms
status in two different companies, individuals with higher salaries, were more content about their profession even though they have been working for longer hours.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, earning is not the only important factor to be considered
while
Linking Words
applying for a
job
Use synonyms
,
health
Use synonyms
and safety always should come first.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some jobs ,regarding their high payments, are dangerous and employers have to
risk
Use synonyms
their lives to get it done.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
might get paid ,millions of money, to work with pesticides or toxic chemicals, which can ultimately expose them to cancer and increase the
risk
Use synonyms
of dying at a young age. Another example would be workers at factories working with huge cutter machines. The statistics show that a considerable number of
people
Use synonyms
lose their body parts
such
Linking Words
as fingers, hands or legs working with these terrifying machines. In conclusion, the high salary can not compete with the
risk
Use synonyms
of losing your life or putting your
health
Use synonyms
at
risk
Use synonyms
. I believe that safety and
health
Use synonyms
must be considered as crucial factors for selecting a
job
Use synonyms
because if there is a possibility of not living anymore,
then
Linking Words
money has no use.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Consider expanding your introduction to provide a little more background on the topic before clearly stating your stance.
logical structure
Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, but using a wider range of linking words could enhance the overall flow.
clear comprehensive ideas
Make sure to keep a consistent formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid phrases that can be considered overly conversational (like 'millions of money').
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which is excellent for illustrating your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarises the main points and restates your position clearly.
complete response
The essay closely addresses the task prompt, considering both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: