IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The age of information technology has taken a lot of people by surprise. While, it has become a way of life for some, others know very little about it. Eventually we will have a polarized society and this will lead to serious social problems. Form an opinion based on the info above and write a well-reasoned essay.

#age #information #technology #people #surprise #life #society #form #info
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The development of technology
make
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makes
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society
Add an article
the society
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 to be separated
due to
asseymetric
Correct your spelling
asymmetric
 information within the
group
.
To begin
, the bridge between two
groups
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of knowledge may have a conflict between them. The community could
be collapsed
Wrong verb form
collapse
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 since there is less connection between different
groups
, so they might not have common topics to discuss
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other.
For example
, elderly people are not aware of
function
Add an article
the function
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 of the smartphone, but teenagers are professional at it. Even though
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
group
 have
intention
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the intention
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 to
cooporate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
corporate
 with older people,
this
 may not work if
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
show examples
group
have
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 no effort to improve.
This
 shows that
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
groups
 are getting far away from each other which would lead to social separation.
However
, the middle
group
 could help
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to reduce the gap between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
groups
. It could compromise opinions from different
groups
 and conclude with the best alternative to enhance
connectiveness
Correct your spelling
connectedness
.
Thus
, the relationship between diverse
groups
 will be reinforced, leading to stick society into one big community.
Therefore
, people would take advantage of sharing their
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and learning recent technology
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
. In conclusion, I personally argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society could be interconnected through a strong
middle man
Correct your spelling
middleman
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 as long as there is
an
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apply
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insignificant support from the government.
Submitted by az7082687 on

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task achievement
Try to extend your ideas with more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and diversity of your vocabulary to better express your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear connections between your ideas and paragraphs for logical flow. Use linking words properly.
coherence cohesion
Revise the grammatical errors and enhance the sentence structure for a smoother read.
coherence cohesion
Expand the introduction to provide better context and clearly outline the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the main issues raised by the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and conclusion, which provide a framework for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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