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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
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In today’s world, with the rise of better medical facilities and innovations, societies have longer life spans than ever before. Some argue that an old population creates problems for governments,
whereas
 others say there are benefits to having more elderly
people
. From my perspective, the advantages do not outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, when there are more old
people
, it means that there is a larger number of wise individuals. They may serve as teachers, nurses, or even unimportant jobs to let the innovative youngsters take the place of high-ranking positions so as to not waste talent.
Also
, they are veterans of battles and wars, and having them means that we will not have to necessarily put the young on the frontlines, allowing a smarter crowd and fewer impacts. A country’s prosperity is decided by many factors, and having a large, old community means that it is efficient, cutting-edge and paints a better image for the governing body.
On the other hand
, most old
people
 are out of commission or retired already, so if we raise the retirement age, the young and elderly would rebel and protest, so retired
people
 only serve as a buffer.
Furthermore
, you would have to build many houses to house old members and more food to feed them, which may put stress on developing countries, hindering growth.
Last
 but not least, not everybody approves of having to go on the frontlines in a bloody war, so even if some volunteer, most do not and will only become ordinary citizens. In conclusion,
although
 there are advantages, I strongly believe that having an old populace is bad and brings backlashes to the government both in peace and wartime.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear stance on the subject, stating that the disadvantages of an aging population outweigh the advantages. However, ensuring that each paragraph remains tightly focused on a single point would improve task response. Ensure that each main idea is expanded upon with specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Add transitions and linking phrases to make your essay more fluid. For example, phrases like 'firstly,' 'moreover,' and 'in contrast,' can connect your ideas more smoothly. Dividing some of your complex sentences might also help in improving clarity.
introduction conclusion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which help frame your argument well.
clear comprehensive ideas
You express your ideas clearly and demonstrate a good range of vocabulary with varied sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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