Some companies rely 100% on technology for calculations and other such functions. What advantages does technology bring to the workplace? Is there a downside to relying too much on technology?

Several
organizations
fully depend on
technology
for calculations and various purposes. Some of the IT advantages for
organizations
are increased efficiency, reduced human error and labour costs. Yet, despite many positive impacts,
technology
has several disadvantages if a
company
relies too much on it. Some of them are cyber security risks, lack of creativity and problem-solving for employees. I will elaborate on
this
idea more in
this
essay.
The
Correct article usage
An
show examples
organization that can operate efficiently is almost the top priority that every management level
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
each
company
,
then
technology
comes with the capability to realize that ambition. By using
technology
, the
company
can process their business activities at an optimum level, which leads the
company
to be more profitable. Other than that, with
technology
, companies can automate many routine tasks without errors,
while
human is impossible to do that.
Then
, by automating tasks, the
company
can use less labour which leads to saving more money, and
then
the
company
can generate more profit. Meanwhile,
technology
is not perfect, there are many negatives if relying too much on it. When an organization moves all their daily processes to digital, it means all
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
data will be available online. It is very dangerous because many hackers from around the world have the possibility to steal an organization's important data.
Then
,
due to
the great features that
technology
can offer, people tend to be lazier than before. People nowadays find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
in thinking
Change preposition
to think
show examples
innovatively and
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
problems without
technology
, they can function well if only they are connected to
technology
. It's very bad for
organizations
because employees have to work independently, not dependent on
technology
. In summary, even though
technology
brings many advantages to
organizations
, they need to control their dependence on it.
Organizations
should utilize
technology
with a more conscious mind and strategic plan,
therefore
they can optimize the advantages
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
reducing the disadvantages gradually.
Submitted by alfianarrizkyp on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to support your points. This would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and sentence structures for better clarity. For instance, 'without errors, while human is impossible to do that' can be revised to 'without errors, something that is impossible for humans.'
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a good introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion adequately.
task achievement
The response clearly addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of relying on technology.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • data entry
  • digital systems
  • retrieval
  • management
  • communication channels
  • emails
  • instant messaging
  • video conferencing
  • tech-related skills
  • over-reliance
  • system failures
  • technical issues
  • job displacement
  • cyber-attacks
  • data breaches
  • creative thinking
  • problem-solving
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