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Band 6.5

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of a bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #poverty #person’s #nature
A school of thought holds that
crime
 stems from social issues and poverty,
while
 the alternative stance asserts that it is the innate human characteristics that result in criminal acts. From my point of view,
while
 both perspectives have some validity, I believe that socioeconomic factors play a more significant role in driving criminal activity. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why some people feel that an individual's inherent negative traits are the root of crimes.
First,
they believe that a person with a bad nature has an innate tendency towards violence and law-breaking.
For instance
, people who lack work ethic and empathy might be more likely to engage in fraudulent acts like scamming or theft as they believe they are above the law.
Furthermore
, some argue that individuals may commit crimes regardless of their socioeconomic background. To illustrate, there are people in positions of power or wealth committing crimes like embezzlement or financial fraud to maintain their lavish lifestyle or gain
further
 advantage.
However
, I would side with those who think illicit behaviours take root in social issues, particularly poverty and social inequality.
This
 is because the lack of economic opportunities, social support, and access to education can create a vicious cycle of disadvantage and desperation, leading many citizens to turn to
crime
 as a means of survival or escape from their dire circumstances.
For instance
, in areas plagued by impoverishment and high unemployment rates, inhabitants may resort to criminal acts like robbery or drug dealing to meet their basic needs or cope with the desperation and lack of prospects. The absence of educational opportunities and social support systems can
further
 exacerbate these challenges, trapping individuals in a never-ending vortex of poverty and
crime
. In conclusion,
while
 it is undeniable that
crime
 can arise from a person's traits, I still believe that socioeconomic factors are the primary causes of most wrongdoings.
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
You effectively introduced the topic and took a clear stance, addressing both sides of the argument comprehensively. To further improve, you could include more varied and specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical and well-organized structure, with clear progression from one idea to the next. Your introduction and conclusion are solid, but ensure each paragraph has a strong topic sentence to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay is very well-structured with a logical flow of ideas, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
Both perspectives are discussed thoroughly, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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