Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

There has been a constant debate about how
parents
have the biggest impact on their child’s growth.
Although
some individuals argue that external causes
such
as television,
friends
, and music have major effects, I believe that family plays the biggest role in shaping their child as people always look at the family background in any kind of situation. Family or specifically the children’s
parents
are
initially
their first teachers.
Parents
need to set a good example as babies actually
adapted
Verb problem
adopt
show examples
a habit through seeing their
parents
’ actions and words. If they show a bad example
such
as abusing, cursing, and other negative actions, their child will unconsciously follow their behaviour as they believe it is right. Other than that, children spend most of their young age with family, so most of their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
is just them mirroring their
parents
. A child will react to a situation based on how their
parents
respond, so it is crucial for the
parents
to continuously present good actions.
On the other hand
, some individuals believe that television,
friends
, and music have the biggest impacts. Moving from toddler to adolescent age, children are now more exposed to the outside world. Teenagers will spend their school years with
friends
, which can make them influence each other. It is important for them to choose
friends
wisely, and be a good companion to each other.
Similarly
, television and music play an essential role in inspiring adolescents. They will choose the perfect type of song or the genre of a TV show to their liking
according to
what they have been seeing on a regular basis. In conclusion, children will observe and follow what they often see. They will as well experience new things with just a touch of a finger as they grow up and it is our job to teach them only good morals so they will be able to identify the rights and wrongs in any circumstances.
Submitted by izziannblh on

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coherence
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task achievement
While your response to the task is strong, incorporating specific examples or evidence can strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes the key points well but could be slightly more detailed in reinforcing your opinion. Ensure you succinctly restate the main arguments to leave a lasting impression.
task achievement
You provided a comprehensive response to the task, ensuring both views were discussed thoroughly.
coherence
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in understanding the flow of your argument.
coherence
The points about family influence and the impact of external factors like television, friends, and music were clearly explained.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary influence
  • development
  • instill values
  • norms
  • emotional foundation
  • social skills
  • role modeling
  • socioeconomic status
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • external factors
  • peer influence
  • teenage years
  • impact mood
  • cultural understanding
  • environment
  • role models
  • social media
  • shaping modern childhoods
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