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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyles in the countryside. other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyles #countryside #health #cities
There is a controversial question, whether it is easier to have
a healthy lifestyles
Correct the article-noun agreement
a healthy lifestyle
healthy lifestyles
show examples
 living in cities or in
villagies
Correct your spelling
villages
. I suggest, that staying in
urbun
Correct your spelling
urban
areas
 has more opportunities for keeping health in better condition than basing in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 countryside.
To begin
 with, as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 advantage for
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body,
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 lifestyle in rural
areas
 will be considered.
For instance
, many households have livestock
such
 as cows, chickens, and
sheeps
Correct your spelling
sheep
show examples
, which demands serving it.
In other words
, feeding, cleaning, and
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 out, that has to be organised to keep cattle fit, may take from two to six hours per day
intensive
Change preposition
of intensive
show examples
 work,
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
positively
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 on human body. Alternatively,
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle,
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 many city dwellers practice may be a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
desiases
Correct your spelling
diseases
shach
Correct your spelling
such
 as blood pressure, obesity, and diabetes.
In addition
, many
countysides
Correct your spelling
countries
 have better ecology
comparatively
Replace the word
compared
show examples
 to industrial urban
areas
. It is hard to deny, that villages
usually
Add a missing verb
are usually
show examples
 surrounded by trees and fields
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 grass or wheat, which produce fresh air.
As a result
, country people live
clouser
Correct your spelling
closer
 to nature.
On the other hand
, settling in cities gives many
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 could be used to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 health.
For example
, in Astana, the city where I live, many gyms and parks are
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 near to my house.
This
 is because the high density of population in urban
areas
 makes
profitable
Correct pronoun usage
it profitable
show examples
 for
enterprenurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
opening
Change the verb form
to open
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 objects.
In contrast
, companies do not open
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these sports
show examples
sport
 clubs in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 countryside, depriving locals of
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 out.
Moreover
, cities offer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of healthy products. To illustrate
this
, many special healthy product shops were opened in Astana, which supply people with diets and different eating
behaviour
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviours
show examples
. Unfortunately, lower income in rural
areas
 makes
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to consume more expensive healthy food. In conclusion, I believe, that
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 sides of living in urban
areas
such
 as
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to visit different
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 classes and
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
show examples
 range of
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 products
overweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
 the benefits of an active rural lifestyle and the better ecology in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 countryside.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. While you present some good points, they could be more clearly organized and connected. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your introduction and conclusion. The introduction should more clearly outline the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize those points and reinforce your opinion.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. Try to choose examples that directly illustrate the point you are making.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly presented. Some sentences are complex and awkwardly structured, which makes them difficult to understand. Work on simplifying your sentence structure for clarity.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument and provided a clear opinion, which fulfills the task requirements well.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as those about rural livestock and urban gyms, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your arguments.
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