IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The continued rise in the world`s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world`s #population #humanity #time
Some people think that there are no greater problems than rising population density .
Although
, there are
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
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 of different problems that I write down below. I particularly agree with
this
 statement. Nowadays,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 growing rapidly for some reasons.
As a result
,
density
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the density
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 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 and
block
Correct article usage
the block
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 of houses
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become more popular among urban residents .
This
 type of housing has much more harm than residential housing .
For example
, the land
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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on the site where ordinary houses were built belongs to
further
 use on farming , despite the block one . Secondary, medical care facilities are well established.
As a consequence
 of
this
 development , older generations live longer than their older counterparts . Because
,
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apply
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according to
 researchers there are
discovered
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discoveries
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how
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on how
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 to cure people from incurable diseases .
Such
 as
,
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apply
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 heart attacks and strokes and other serious diseases .
On the other hand
, there are many other global issues which have to
been
Wrong verb form
be
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 discussed . The most common
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
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, global warming and other environmental problems. Global temperatures have increased over time
due to
 many factors
such
 as, pollution levels , generating electricity and heat by burning fossil fuels
such
 as coal, oil and natural gas causes a large chunk of global emissions. Most electricity is still produced from fossil fuels; only about a quarter comes from wind, solar and other renewable sources. In conclusion,
although
, we want to see longer our old generation , we cannot make them
to
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apply
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live forever. So we should
to
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apply
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solve other global issues
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay's introduction is somewhat abrupt and lacks a clear thesis statement to guide the reader. Try to formulate a more precise introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
There are some grammar mistakes and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'population growing rapidly') that may hinder clarity. Ensure you proofread your essay to correct these errors.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt competently, but it lacks depth in discussing the causes of population rise. Provide more thorough explanations and examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay manages to touch on both the issue of rising population and other global problems, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion somewhat ties back to the introduction, making a noticeable, if somewhat weak, attempt at coherence.
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