IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#families #parents #work #people #children
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In the present
time
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,
Parents
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 pay other
people
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 to look after their
children
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.Some
people
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 think that
this
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 is not a good thing to do.I agree with the
people
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 who think
this
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 is wrong. On one hand,If we look at today's
time
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 we will find that it is very difficult to manage the finances of a family with a single father.So, Both
parents
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 have to work in order to manage the family funds.
As a result
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,
parents
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 do not get enough
time
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 to look after their
children
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. So, they pay
people
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inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
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 to take their services for their
children
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.
For example
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,
According to
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 a survey, the type of organizations who look after
people
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's
children
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, are increasing day by day and they have increased 40%
last
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 year just because in today's
time
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 both
parents
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 have to work.
This
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 is the reason we can say that they have a positive role in our society.
On the other hand
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, even though,It is a hard
time
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 it is a fact that no organization can replace the role of
parents
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 in
children
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's lives no matter how hard they try.
In addition
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, If
parents
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 do not give their
time
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 to their
children
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 they will not feel the same connection with their
parents
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 after some
time
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.
For example
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, Hassan is a child who has spent most of his life in these types of organizations. He tells me that now at the present
time
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 he does not feel bad if something wrong happens to his
parents
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 because he has not spent enough
time
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 with his
parents
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 Even though, he was in one of the best caretaking companies.So, It is clear from
this
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 example that even though these organisations take good care but child starts to move away from his own
parents
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 and
also
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 starts losing emotions for his own
parents
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. In conclusion,We can easily say that it is not good for both
parents
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 to work and pay
people
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 to look after their
children
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. I agree with communities who believe
this
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 is not good for families.
Submitted by Saad Kamal on

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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay. This helps guide the reader from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph support that topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and provides relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a good understanding of the structure of an essay, including the presence of an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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