In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In the present
time
,
Parents
pay other
people
to look after their
children
.Some
people
think that
this
is not a good thing to do.I agree with the
people
who think
this
is wrong. On one hand,If we look at today's
time
we will find that it is very difficult to manage the finances of a family with a single father.So, Both
parents
have to work in order to manage the family funds.
As a result
,
parents
do not get enough
time
to look after their
children
. So, they pay
people
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
to take their services for their
children
.
For example
,
According to
a survey, the type of organizations who look after
people
's
children
, are increasing day by day and they have increased 40%
last
year just because in today's
time
both
parents
have to work.
This
is the reason we can say that they have a positive role in our society.
On the other hand
, even though,It is a hard
time
it is a fact that no organization can replace the role of
parents
in
children
's lives no matter how hard they try.
In addition
, If
parents
do not give their
time
to their
children
they will not feel the same connection with their
parents
after some
time
.
For example
, Hassan is a child who has spent most of his life in these types of organizations. He tells me that now at the present
time
he does not feel bad if something wrong happens to his
parents
because he has not spent enough
time
with his
parents
Even though, he was in one of the best caretaking companies.So, It is clear from
this
example that even though these organisations take good care but child starts to move away from his own
parents
and
also
starts losing emotions for his own
parents
. In conclusion,We can easily say that it is not good for both
parents
to work and pay
people
to look after their
children
. I agree with communities who believe
this
is not good for families.
Submitted by Saad Kamal on

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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay. This helps guide the reader from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph support that topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and provides relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a good understanding of the structure of an essay, including the presence of an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

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