IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the goverment should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource , while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.

#people #goverment #control #water #resource
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often believed that limited fresh
water
Use synonyms
 should be
controled
Correct your spelling
controlled
 by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 are pessimistic about
this
Linking Words
 intervention and support the
umlimited
Correct your spelling
unlimited
 distribution of
water
Use synonyms
. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
, for its growing demand in the rise of population in some countries regardless of the advancement of technology, which ensures its sufficiency in the future. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should play a crucial role in regulating the amount of
water
Use synonyms
 distributed to individuals when there is a severe shortage of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 in countries whose population rises dramatically.
In other words
Linking Words
, there are more
people
Use synonyms
 who are unable to
acceess
Correct your spelling
access
 clean
water
Use synonyms
 as it is consumed at an accelerating speed to support more
people
Use synonyms
's lives in modern society.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
insifficiency
Correct your spelling
insufficiency
 of
water
Use synonyms
 is intense in many developing countries
such
Linking Words
 as India and Kenya where more
people
Use synonyms
 rely on clean
water
Use synonyms
 for drinking, bathing, and even treating those who suffer from diseases and injuries.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the lack of supervision of
water
Use synonyms
 from
authories
Correct your spelling
authorises
authorities
 can
escalete
Correct your spelling
escalate
 concerns over health, promoting the death rate
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 from dehydration
as well as
Linking Words
 infection, all of which should encourage national leaders to take an active approach.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the regulation from
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is not always necessary because of
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
increaing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 amount of
water
Use synonyms
 being stored
due to
Linking Words
 the sophisticated technology available today. Indeed, the advanced filtering system called "Jyosui" has been introduced to raise the supply of drinking
water
Use synonyms
 by removing any tiny particles from contaminated
water
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, more fresh
water
Use synonyms
 has been preserved in
water
Use synonyms
 plants for an emergency to ensure the safety of the public.
Thus
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
 way to produce clean
water
Use synonyms
 has already been established, reducing the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 control from
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
. In conclusion, I somewhat agree with the
government
Use synonyms
's intervention
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 distribution to ensure that it is well provided to those who are in need.
However
Linking Words
, the rapid progress of technology has increased the supply of drinking
water
Use synonyms
, making the role of authority less significant.
Submitted by mizuho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop each point with sufficient detail and examples to provide a more compelling argument. Currently, some examples and points feel somewhat general.
coherence cohesion
There are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that do not obscure meaning but could be smoothed out for a more polished finish.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure around your main points.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, ensuring a balanced discussion which is crucial for achieving a high task response score.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited resource
  • strictly control
  • government regulation
  • manage
  • allocate
  • responsibly
  • sustainable
  • water scarcity
  • water conservation
  • equitable distribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: