Some people think that the goverment should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource , while others it should not be regulated. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion.
It is often believed that limited fresh
water
should be controled
by Correct your spelling
controlled
government
Add an article
the government
whereas
some people
are pessimistic about this
intervention and support the umlimited
distribution of Correct your spelling
unlimited
water
. I partially agree with this
, for its growing demand in the rise of population in some countries regardless of the advancement of technology, which ensures its sufficiency in the future.
On the one hand, government
should play a crucial role in regulating the amount of Add an article
the government
water
distributed to individuals when there is a severe shortage of fresh water
in countries whose population rises dramatically. In other words
, there are more people
who are unable to acceess
clean Correct your spelling
access
water
as it is consumed at an accelerating speed to support more people
's lives in modern society. For instance
, the insifficiency
of Correct your spelling
insufficiency
water
is intense in many developing countries such
as India and Kenya where more people
rely on clean water
for drinking, bathing, and even treating those who suffer from diseases and injuries. Therefore
, the lack of supervision of water
from authories
can Correct your spelling
authorises
authorities
escalete
concerns over health, promoting the death rate Correct your spelling
escalate
resulted
from dehydration Wrong verb form
resulting
as well as
infection, all of which should encourage national leaders to take an active approach.
On the other hand
, the regulation from government
is not always necessary because of Add an article
the government
an
Correct article usage
the
increaing
amount of Correct your spelling
increasing
water
being stored due to
the sophisticated technology available today. Indeed, the advanced filtering system called "Jyosui" has been introduced to raise the supply of drinking water
by removing any tiny particles from contaminated water
. Furthermore
, more fresh water
has been preserved in water
plants for an emergency to ensure the safety of the public. Thus
, such
sustainable
way to produce clean Correct article usage
a sustainable
water
has already been established, reducing the need of
control from Change preposition
for
government
.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree with the Add an article
the government
government
's intervention of
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
water
distribution to ensure that it is well provided to those who are in need. However
, the rapid progress of technology has increased the supply of drinking water
, making the role of authority less significant.Submitted by mizuho on
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task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop each point with sufficient detail and examples to provide a more compelling argument. Currently, some examples and points feel somewhat general.
coherence cohesion
There are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that do not obscure meaning but could be smoothed out for a more polished finish.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure around your main points.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, ensuring a balanced discussion which is crucial for achieving a high task response score.