IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level (Primary, Secondary, Higher). However, some say that individuals should pay for their university education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #education #level #say #individuals #university
In
this
 day and age,
education
 is the key to success as it provides
accesss
Correct your spelling
access
 to career progression
therefore
 leading to individual and communal
develoment
Correct your spelling
development
.
As a result
,
governments
 should make
education
 accessible to every citizen at no cost because it will help the less
previledged
Correct your spelling
privileged
 to get a chance to shape their lives into a brighter future.
In contrast
, a large number of critics show that it must not be the state's responsibility to pay school fees for anyone because the state has many other
responsibility
Change to a plural noun
responsibilities
show examples
 to worry about.
This
 essay, will
discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
show examples
 both sides and explain why I believe in free
education
 for all.
To begin
 with,
education
 is the highway to achieving a career in one's life in order to live a better life.
However
, it is important to note that the learning process is costly and some people from poor backgrounds may not afford it
therefore
 losing a great opportunity to be prosperous. In
this
 regard, I challenge government officials to establish free government schools for everyone.
This
 initiative will help communities to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 because when everyone has a career and
earning
Wrong verb form
earns
show examples
 money, they will help to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 where they come from by giving back to their communities and at the same time they will be contributing to the state by paying taxes.
On the other hand
, some say
governments
 have more important issues to address,
such
 as
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 system. They believe that
education
 is a
laxury
Correct your spelling
luxury
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be accessed by those who can afford it. They are
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the opinion that
governments
 should establish schools which are cheaper than
private
Change the adjective
privately
show examples
 owned institutions, but they are
forgeting
Correct your spelling
forgetting
 that what someone calls cheap might be
expespensive
Correct your spelling
expensive
 to someone else, meaning we will still end up with people who can not afford to pay for the
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
 cheap fees. In conclusion, I strongly believe that every citizen has the right to
education
 so the
law makers
Correct your spelling
lawmakers
show examples
 should make it free for everyone.
Nevertheless
, those who have more money should go to private schools.
therefore
governments
 should make it accessible without any cost
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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task achievement
The introduction is relevant and outlines both viewpoints, but there are minor grammatical errors and a lack of precision in language at times. Consider proofreading for spelling and grammatical mistakes such as 'previledged' instead of 'privileged' and 'develope' instead of 'develop.'
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views. However, examples could be more specific and relevant to strengthen your argument. Including data or detailed scenarios would add depth to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs transition logically, but sometimes the ideas could be more cohesively linked. For example, using more connecting phrases would improve the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Try to use synonyms and varied sentence structures to avoid repetition. This will improve the readability and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion that states your opinion.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view, covering both sides of the argument, which indicates comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your position on free education is clearly stated, and you provided supporting points for it, making your stance evident.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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