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Writing Samples
Band 6

Art is considered an important part of a society as wen as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects?

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Children's
development
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 has become an integral part of
society
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, so some people say that for their progress
art
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 is crucial
while
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 others are
opposing
Wrong verb form
opposed
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 and say that other
subjects
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 are necessary to teach
for instance
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 science, mathematics, and physical education. I totally agree with opponents for several reasons which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs with some relevant information.
Firstly
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 of all, no doubt,
art
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 represents our culture, traditions, and norms in the form of paintings, statues, or some other ways, but
art
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 is
such
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 kind of subject which we cannot teach to children deeply because it is upon the interest
,
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apply
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 and inner satisfaction.
Whereas
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, other
subjects
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 are compulsory for the
development
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 of
society
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, as these
subjects
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 can teach in many ways
for instance
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, by showing real examples, videos, pictures, and reading books of famous persons.
As well
Rephrase
Also
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, by studying these
subjects
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 they can Crack any toughest exam to become a doctor, a scientist, or other many positions.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 gives relaxation and a feeling of freedom through drawings. Artists show their emotions and inner feelings through paintings which they can not express to others. But, for mental and physical
development
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, they should get physical education as a subject to indulge in
society
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.
This
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 is the only subject, which helps to teach not only study skills but
also
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 some other skills which play an integral role in future.
For example
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, teamwork, learning from failure, and how to be a part of
society
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 large group. In conclusion,
art
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 is important for culture and
society
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, but for the nation's
development
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, some necessary
subjects
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 are crucial to teaching in schools and even in the house too, by getting these children can become good politicians which will make their country number one.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, be sure to provide balanced viewpoints and explore each perspective thoroughly. This will make your arguments more convincing and showcase a nuanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using a greater variety of linking phrases and transitions to make your essay smoother and more engaging. Pay attention to paragraph structure and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your thesis.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and establishes the topic well, providing a brief overview of the arguments to be discussed.
relevant specific examples
The essay presents some relevant examples and reasons, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your stance on the topic.
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