IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent times, there has been an increasing number of productions in the consumer goods sector, which has a negative impact on the natural
environment
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.
This
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 is primarily
due to
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 the rise in CO2
emissions
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 from several industries and the use of
plastic
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 packaging in production.
However
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, there are two ways to address
this
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 issue. The main problem is the increase in CO2
emissions
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 in the atmosphere, which is driven by the dramatic rise in the demand for goods, necessitating extra manufacturing to meet these demands. As CO2
emissions
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 rise, they adversely affect natural resources, including trees, wilderness areas, and water. These impacts can hinder plant growth and harm marine life.
Furthermore
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, as a large volume of goods is produced, there is
also
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 a significant need for
plastic
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 packaging, leading to increased waste on Earth. A single
plastic
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 bag can take around one hundred years to decompose; imagine the time it would take for millions of
plastic
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 packages. Many fish in the ocean mistakenly consume these plastics, thinking they are food, resulting in the deaths of millions of marine creatures. One major solution is for the government to restrict the amount of CO2
emissions
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 from local industries. By doing
this
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, these industries will not be able to produce as much pollution, ultimately reducing their impact on the natural
environment
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.
Furthermore
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, the government can establish regulations that promote the use of green materials for packaging
instead
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 of
plastic
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. Recycled bags are much easier to decompose and can be repurposed into other products.
Consequently
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, these methods can help protect our
environment
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. In conclusion, there are several factors that cause damage to the natural
environment
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, including increasing CO2
emissions
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 and
plastic
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 waste.
However
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, there are two effective strategies to tackle these problems: restricting CO2
emissions
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 and promoting the use of recycled materials.

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task achievement
The essay does an excellent job in addressing the task prompt fully. Keep providing complete responses to each part of the question, as you've done here.
task achievement
To further improve, try to include more specific examples to illustrate your points. Drawing on concrete data or real-world instances can make your arguments even more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is quite strong. The flow of ideas is clear and each paragraph follows naturally from the previous one. Keep organizing your essays in this manner.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are consistently well-supported with detailed explanations or examples. While your essay does a good job in this regard, adding a bit more detail can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps readers easily follow your line of thought.
(task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both the causes and solutions to the issue, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The use of cohesive devices and transitions is seamless, making the essay easy to read and understand.
task achievement
Your arguments are clear and comprehensive, which makes your essay convincing and engaging.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • production
  • consumer goods
  • natural environment
  • damage
  • causes
  • overconsumption
  • demand
  • environmental regulations
  • enforcement
  • natural resources
  • industrial pollution
  • waste
  • inadequate
  • waste management practices
  • public awareness
  • education
  • sustainable alternatives
  • stricter environmental laws
  • recycling
  • responsible consumption
  • clean technologies
  • renewable energy
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