Nowadays in many countries people are following the latest fashion, hairstyles and clothing. Why are they influenced by fashion?  Is it a positive or a negative development?

Recently, the
fashion
industry
has
taked
Correct your spelling
taken
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over
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apply
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the world by storm.
People
nowadays are easily influenced by several matters, and one of the major industries
that
is
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are
show examples
influencing most
people
around the world is looks and
fashion
.
This
essay will discuss the reasons why
people
are
affect impacted
Wrong verb form
affected
show examples
by
this
industry
. As I see it, the leading causes as to why many
people
are affected by
fashion
are the global spread of
fashion
designs on video apps, and because many
people
think that
fashion
can show the personality of many others.
Fashion
has been spreading like wildfire in many apps.
Therefore
, many
people
are consuming
this
trend and are applying it to themselves.
For example
, many
people
spend hours on end on
tiktok
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TikTok
, which is a video app, and a
suprising
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surprising
amount of the videos that are shared on the app
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
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in fashion
show examples
fashion
Replace the word
fashionable
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. It is generally thought that personalities can be represented by a person's
fashion
and the
clothes
they wear.
For example
, someone
that is
wearing nice
clothes
,
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apply
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has a good haircut
,
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apply
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and has nice
fashion
is thought to be an elegant person with a nice personality. I believe that
fashion
has affected the world negatively and will
continuously
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continue
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to do so. The
fashion
industry
has set high beauty standards for everyone.
As a result
, many
people
are becoming more insecure about their looks and how they dress.
For instance
,
people
nowadays cover their faces when they post a picture because they hate how they look and dress compared to the
people
who are seen
on
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in
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the
fashion
industry
.
Furthermore
, a surprising amount of
people
are spending most of their salaries on
clothes
and haircuts so they can please others. As the
fashion
industry
keeps growing the prices will gradually increase which will make most
people
use all of their money on the
clothes
they buy. In conclusion, the reasons why
people
are
influences
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
is because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
fashion
is growing by the day
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and because
fashion
can depict a person's personality. In my opinion, I believe that
this
is a negative
devlopment
Correct your spelling
development
that has set beauty standards
to
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for
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people
worldwide.
Submitted by hashoomy2006 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the specific points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing paragraph linking and the use of cohesive devices to ensure a smooth flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples to further illustrate and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies and discusses two main reasons why people are influenced by fashion.
task achievement
The writer provides thoughtful commentary on the negative influence of fashion, which helps in addressing the second question prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in framing the essay.

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