IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

-Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making traditions aimed at tourists, others, however, believe that it is the only way to save these traditions. -Discuss both views and give your opinion

#-some #people #traditions #tourists #-discuss
There is no doubt, that in some countries cultural traditions are used as
sours
Correct your spelling
sources
show examples
 of income. Some people believe, and I agree with them, that it is the tool to keep
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 habits afloat.
However
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that crowds of
tourists
destroys
Change the verb form
destroy
show examples
 that cultural
features
Fix the agreement mistake
feature
show examples
.
To begin
 with, as a negative side of
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
native
Change preposition
of native
show examples
 aspects for attracting
tourists
, the risks of dissemination of a new culture, that visitors bring, will be considered.
For instance
,
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
 culture and language
asemilated
Correct your spelling
assimilated
 in India, substituting local
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Moreover
, we can observe many cases, when fast food global networks
such
 as McDonalds or KFC displace local cusins.
This
 is because, people from developed countries
trevell
Correct your spelling
travel
travelled
 around the world and bring their values to indigenous areas, destroying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
As a result
, many countries and cities became similar,
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 cultural specialities
vanishes
Wrong verb form
vanished
show examples
.
On the other hand
, money from tourism
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 building cultural
infrostracture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 and historical
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
. To
ilustrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
this
,
etnovillages
Correct your spelling
ecovillages
 and heritage areas in Turkey will be noticed.
This
 facilities attracts foreign visitors, who buy tickets,
supporting
Change the verb form
to support
show examples
restoration
Correct article usage
the restoration
show examples
 of cultural objects.
Furthermore
, many
tourists
 ask for more
reviting
Correct your spelling
revisiting
revising
 places, so governments may spend money on
exibition
Correct your spelling
exhibition
 new traditions. Alternatively, if
tourists
 did not attend those castles, buildings, or other
fasilities
Correct your spelling
facilities
,
this
 historical heritage would be in despair. In conclusion, I stick
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
, that the effect of money from
tourists
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 support local customs
huge
Add a missing verb
is huge
show examples
 and it
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 be exacerbated.
Nevertheless
, the risks of the negative affecting a local culture exist and should be taken
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
considiration
Correct your spelling
consideration
.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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grammar
Work on grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on subject-verb agreement and correct use of articles (a, an, the).
coherence
Ensure that linking words and phrases are used effectively to improve the flow of ideas and coherence. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
clarity
Work on sentence clarity and complexity. Some sentences are awkward or unclear, so it's important to refine them for better readability.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
development
Main points are supported with examples, which add relevance and depth to the discussion.
task response
The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion before presenting the writer's opinion.

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