The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Recently
outweight
Correct your spelling
the
popultaion
has Correct your spelling
population
been
grown remarkably, which Unnecessary verb
apply
affects
negative impacts on the health care system. Some argue that increasing Wrong verb form
has had
exercise
and sport
lessons in Fix the agreement mistake
sports
schools
is one of the soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
of
Change preposition
to
this
problem. And
I agree with the idea introducing more physical activities in Correct word choice
apply
school
curriculum can tackle the obesity issue of Correct article usage
the school
young
generation.
Add an article
the young
Firstly
, introducing exercise
in school
is substantial for the students
to enhance a
good Correct article usage
apply
habit
from their early Fix the agreement mistake
habits
life
. To become healthy, exercise
is essential. Therefore
, shcools
should teach Correct your spelling
schools
students
to exercise
in a proper way, which allows them to keep doing it even after leaving the schools
. Fix the agreement mistake
school
Also
exercising from younger
age can give them more energy and Add an article
a younger
stamia
that help them to live lively in Correct your spelling
stamina
thier
future Correct your spelling
their
life
. For example
, the countries where high school
students
do exercise
or sports at least three times a week, have smaller
proportion of diseased people Add an article
a smaller
over
other countries. More Change preposition
than
introducing
of Replace the word
introduction
exercise
in shools
helps to reduce not only Correct your spelling
schools
obesity
rate but Correct article usage
the obesity
also
the number of sickness
people.
Replace the word
sick
Secondly
, student
could Fix the agreement mistake
students
exercise
consistantly
in Correct your spelling
consistently
schools
. Working out regualry
is difficult if they are not forced to doCorrect your spelling
regularly
.
Mandatory Rephrase
so.
exercising
lessons in Replace the word
exercise
school
make student to
work out Fix the infinitive
apply
regualry
, which Correct your spelling
regularly
regular
lead
a Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
consistant
Correct your spelling
consistent
constant
exercise
in their life
. In addition
, competition during exercise
with fiends
in Correct your spelling
friends
schools
also
helps them to keep working out. Competing with someone els
adds some Correct your spelling
else
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
on
Change preposition
to
exercise
. Exercising alone is boring. Doing sports with friends in school
can counteract these difficulties.
In conclusion, introducing more sports in schools
can help students
to make a
positive Correct article usage
apply
habit
in their long Fix the agreement mistake
habits
life
and encourage them to keep doing exercise
, which are the reasons that i
agree with the given idea.Change the capitalization
I
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spelling
Work on eliminating spelling errors (e.g., 'outweight' should be 'overweight', 'soultions' should be 'solutions', 'shcools' should be 'schools').
grammar
Improve sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences could be made clearer and more concise.
examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples, perhaps with statistics or real-life situations, to support your points more effectively.
flow
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Sometimes the ideas seem somewhat disjointed.
task response
The essay addresses the task well, discussing the impact of physical education on reducing obesity.
relevance
The main points are solid and relevant to the topic (e.g., establishing good habits early, the benefits of regular exercise, and competition as motivation).
clarity
The ideas presented are quite clear and coherent, overall making a strong argument for the benefits of physical education in schools.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example