The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Recently
outweight
Correct your spelling
the
popultaion
has Correct your spelling
population
been
grown remarkably, which Unnecessary verb
apply
affects
negative impacts on the health care system. Some argue that increasing Wrong verb form
has had
exercise
and Use synonyms
sport
lessons in Fix the agreement mistake
sports
schools
is one of the Use synonyms
soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
of
Change preposition
to
this
problem. Linking Words
And
I agree with the idea introducing more physical activities in Correct word choice
apply
Use synonyms
school
curriculum can tackle the obesity issue of Correct article usage
the school
young
generation.
Add an article
the young
Firstly
, introducing Linking Words
exercise
in Use synonyms
school
is substantial for the Use synonyms
students
to enhance Use synonyms
a
good Correct article usage
apply
habit
from their early Fix the agreement mistake
habits
life
. To become healthy, Use synonyms
exercise
is essential. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
shcools
should teach Correct your spelling
schools
students
to Use synonyms
exercise
in a proper way, which allows them to keep doing it even after leaving the Use synonyms
Use synonyms
schools
. Fix the agreement mistake
school
Also
exercising from Linking Words
younger
age can give them more energy and Add an article
a younger
stamia
that help them to live lively in Correct your spelling
stamina
thier
future Correct your spelling
their
life
. Use synonyms
For example
, the countries where high Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
students
do Use synonyms
exercise
or sports at least three times a week, have Use synonyms
smaller
proportion of diseased people Add an article
a smaller
over
other countries. More Change preposition
than
introducing
of Replace the word
introduction
exercise
in Use synonyms
shools
helps to reduce not only Correct your spelling
schools
obesity
rate but Correct article usage
the obesity
also
the number of Linking Words
sickness
people.
Replace the word
sick
Secondly
, Linking Words
student
could Fix the agreement mistake
students
exercise
Use synonyms
consistantly
in Correct your spelling
consistently
schools
. Working out Use synonyms
regualry
is difficult if they are not forced to doCorrect your spelling
regularly
.
Mandatory Rephrase
so.
exercising
lessons in Replace the word
exercise
school
make student Use synonyms
to
work out Fix the infinitive
apply
regualry
, which Correct your spelling
regularly
regular
lead
a Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
consistant
Correct your spelling
consistent
constant
exercise
in their Use synonyms
life
. Use synonyms
In addition
, competition during Linking Words
exercise
with Use synonyms
fiends
in Correct your spelling
friends
schools
Use synonyms
also
helps them to keep working out. Competing with someone Linking Words
els
adds some Correct your spelling
else
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
on
Change preposition
to
exercise
. Exercising alone is boring. Doing sports with friends in Use synonyms
school
can counteract these difficulties.
In conclusion, introducing more sports in Use synonyms
schools
can help Use synonyms
students
to make Use synonyms
a
positive Correct article usage
apply
habit
in their long Fix the agreement mistake
habits
life
and encourage them to keep doing Use synonyms
exercise
, which are the reasons that Use synonyms
i
agree with the given idea.Change the capitalization
I
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spelling
Work on eliminating spelling errors (e.g., 'outweight' should be 'overweight', 'soultions' should be 'solutions', 'shcools' should be 'schools').
grammar
Improve sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences could be made clearer and more concise.
examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples, perhaps with statistics or real-life situations, to support your points more effectively.
flow
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Sometimes the ideas seem somewhat disjointed.
task response
The essay addresses the task well, discussing the impact of physical education on reducing obesity.
relevance
The main points are solid and relevant to the topic (e.g., establishing good habits early, the benefits of regular exercise, and competition as motivation).
clarity
The ideas presented are quite clear and coherent, overall making a strong argument for the benefits of physical education in schools.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example