IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays larger distance are travelled by people to work and study on a daily basis. Some consider it to be a negative development while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
There is a different point of view about
time
Use synonyms
-consuming in
this
Linking Words
 modern world. At present, people have to work or study over longer distances every day.
While
Linking Words
 some consider that it is a negative development, others disagree with it. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 behaviour has more negative effects than positive ones.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, long travels make some people get new ideas, and forget the conflicts that happened in their households.
For example
Linking Words
, if some people take a train or a bus for a long
time
Use synonyms
, they can think quietly about their plans without being disturbed by anyone. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 individuals require a separate area for creativity or relaxation, there are many other ways , rather than travelling in public transportation.
For instance
Linking Words
, one can stay longer in the refreshment park or the library so that it will be more valuable in terms of
time
Use synonyms
 spent.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working or studying in larger distance is wasted effort, which is the most dangerous factor in our entire lives. As an example of myself, I felt regret about my past in misusing
time
Use synonyms
. When I was 24 years old and worked at the factory, taking 1 hour to get to the workplace, I did not notice how I could spend
such
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 in more beneficial activities like learning new skills rather than wasting
time
Use synonyms
 in ferry.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we cannot get back our precious
time
Use synonyms
 as we get older.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some enjoy travelling in lengthy distance for the job or school, I personally disagree with it because of the
time
Use synonyms
 constraint. I would recommend that we spend wisely to be ready for our future.

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task response
Estimated score: 5. You answer all parts of the task, but the ideas need more full support. The first side says long travel can give people quiet time, but this point is not very strong because the task asks about travel to work or study. Explain why some people may choose a long trip: better jobs, better schools, or more money.
task response
Give a more balanced view before your own view. In body 1, add one clear good point and a short example. In body 2, add two bad points, such as less time with family, stress, tiredness, and cost.
task response
Some examples are not clear enough. For example, “forget the conflicts” and “refreshment park” do not strongly show the good side of long daily travel. Use direct examples linked to work or study.
coherence and cohesion
Your order is clear, but some ideas do not join well. For example, the first body part moves from new ideas to family problems, then to parks and libraries. Keep one main point in each part and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words more carefully: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “This means”. Do not use a link word if the next idea does not clearly follow the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Make the topic words more exact. Write “longer distances” or “long commutes”, not “larger distance”. Write “travelling long distances to work or study”, not “working or studying in larger distance”.
coherence and cohesion
Your final line is not complete: “I would recommend that we spend wisely...” Say “I would recommend that people use their time wisely” or “I would recommend that people live closer to work or school when possible.”
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main view is clear: long daily travel has more bad than good.
task response
You use a personal example about travel to a factory. This helps show why you think time is lost.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow in general.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • commute
  • productive
  • transportation costs
  • environmental pollution
  • fuel consumption
  • emissions
  • work-life balance
  • metropolitan
  • educational opportunities
  • cultural exposure
  • networking opportunities
  • congestion
  • infrastructure
  • remote work
  • telecommuting
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