In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The world is changing every day
therefore
our Linking Words
life
conditions and Use synonyms
life
circumstances Use synonyms
is
being changed. Nowadays, we don’t have to work hard to afford our basic supplies as Correct subject-verb agreement
are
old
times and after the Industrial Revolution occupations Change preposition
in old
was
changed. Unnecessary verb
apply
As a result
, Linking Words
people
living longer than ever before.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, Linking Words
increasing
percentage of elderly Correct article usage
an increasing
people
has advantages Use synonyms
for example
, Linking Words
people
can live longer, Use synonyms
other
Correct word choice
and other
people
can benefit from Use synonyms
experiences
of elderly Correct article usage
the experiences
people
. Use synonyms
However
, there Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
also
disadvantages Linking Words
for example
, the outcomes of caring Linking Words
elderly
Change preposition
for elderly
people
especially Use synonyms
who
cannot live without any help are Correct pronoun usage
those who
burden
to the government. Add an article
a burden
Also
, if those Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
became
pension government has Wrong verb form
become
to maintain
to pay a pension loan for Verb problem
apply
people
who Use synonyms
still
alive for a long time.
At Add a missing verb
are still
the
first look, increasing the percentages of old Correct article usage
apply
people
has more disadvantages than advantages but Use synonyms
advantages
of getting older Correct article usage
the advantages
is
priceless. We couldn’t compare the value of Change the verb form
are
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
and money. Human Use synonyms
life
is accurately Use synonyms
most
important thing, and the general focus of the modern world is to increase Correct article usage
the most
well-beings
and wealth to make our lives longer. Correct your spelling
well-being
In addition
, Linking Words
due to
learning Linking Words
life
experiences, humanity can build Use synonyms
stronger
future. We can avoid habitual mistakes and Correct article usage
a stronger
doing
more accurate paces.
Paid money to old Wrong verb form
do
people
is Use synonyms
basic
duty of the government. Add an article
the basic
a basic
Therefore
, Linking Words
that is
Linking Words
constitutional
right that we cannot speak or Add an article
a constitutional
complaint
Replace the word
complain
on
it. Change preposition
about
Additionally
, even Linking Words
the
one day of human Correct article usage
apply
life
is not affordable with money. Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, Linking Words
people
who became old Use synonyms
has
worked for the country Correct subject-verb agreement
have
many
years and they contributed Change preposition
for many
the
economy. So, their past is compensating Change preposition
to the
their
actual conditions.
Change preposition
for their
As
Change preposition
In
a
conclusion, because of Correct article usage
apply
the
technological improvements and changing Correct article usage
apply
life
conditions, humanity is getting a chance every period to live longer, and Use synonyms
such
as those changes have a priceless advantage. I can say that we should not Linking Words
make
a discussion about Verb problem
have
such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
Linking Words
this
topic because it is unnecessary, subjective, and not certain.Correct determiner usage
a
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coherence
Try to structure your essay more clearly. Each paragraph should have one main idea, and the argumentation in each paragraph needs to follow a logical sequence. Make sure your points are clearly connected. Transition words and phrases can help to make your writing more cohesive.
task response
Ensure that you provide relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
introduction/conclusion
While your essay does have an introduction and a conclusion, make sure the introduction fully introduces all the main ideas you will discuss, and the conclusion clearly summarizes these points, reinforcing your overall argument.
task response
Your essay addresses the question and provides both advantages and disadvantages of an aging population.
introduction/conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which shows a good attempt at structuring your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.