In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The world is changing every day
therefore
our life
conditions and life
circumstances is
being changed. Nowadays, we don’t have to work hard to afford our basic supplies as Correct subject-verb agreement
are
old
times and after the Industrial Revolution occupations Change preposition
in old
was
changed. Unnecessary verb
apply
As a result
, people
living longer than ever before.
To begin
with, increasing
percentage of elderly Correct article usage
an increasing
people
has advantages for example
, people
can live longer, other
Correct word choice
and other
people
can benefit from experiences
of elderly Correct article usage
the experiences
people
. However
, there is
Change the verb form
are
also
disadvantages for example
, the outcomes of caring elderly
Change preposition
for elderly
people
especially who
cannot live without any help are Correct pronoun usage
those who
burden
to the government. Add an article
a burden
Also
, if those people
became
pension government has Wrong verb form
become
to maintain
to pay a pension loan for Verb problem
apply
people
who still
alive for a long time.
At Add a missing verb
are still
the
first look, increasing the percentages of old Correct article usage
apply
people
has more disadvantages than advantages but advantages
of getting older Correct article usage
the advantages
is
priceless. We couldn’t compare the value of Change the verb form
are
the
Correct article usage
apply
life
and money. Human life
is accurately most
important thing, and the general focus of the modern world is to increase Correct article usage
the most
well-beings
and wealth to make our lives longer. Correct your spelling
well-being
In addition
, due to
learning life
experiences, humanity can build stronger
future. We can avoid habitual mistakes and Correct article usage
a stronger
doing
more accurate paces.
Paid money to old Wrong verb form
do
people
is basic
duty of the government. Add an article
the basic
a basic
Therefore
, that is
constitutional
right that we cannot speak or Add an article
a constitutional
complaint
Replace the word
complain
on
it. Change preposition
about
Additionally
, even the
one day of human Correct article usage
apply
life
is not affordable with money. Nevertheless
, people
who became old has
worked for the country Correct subject-verb agreement
have
many
years and they contributed Change preposition
for many
the
economy. So, their past is compensating Change preposition
to the
their
actual conditions.
Change preposition
for their
As
Change preposition
In
a
conclusion, because of Correct article usage
apply
the
technological improvements and changing Correct article usage
apply
life
conditions, humanity is getting a chance every period to live longer, and such
as those changes have a priceless advantage. I can say that we should not make
a discussion about Verb problem
have
such
as
Change preposition
apply
this
topic because it is unnecessary, subjective, and not certain.Correct determiner usage
a
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coherence
Try to structure your essay more clearly. Each paragraph should have one main idea, and the argumentation in each paragraph needs to follow a logical sequence. Make sure your points are clearly connected. Transition words and phrases can help to make your writing more cohesive.
task response
Ensure that you provide relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
introduction/conclusion
While your essay does have an introduction and a conclusion, make sure the introduction fully introduces all the main ideas you will discuss, and the conclusion clearly summarizes these points, reinforcing your overall argument.
task response
Your essay addresses the question and provides both advantages and disadvantages of an aging population.
introduction/conclusion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which shows a good attempt at structuring your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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