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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can solution

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It is an irrefutable fact that in the contemporary world,
children
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 are facing some health issues which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 usually found in adult individuals.
Such
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 a trend could bring about various problems, which demand immediate consideration.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons and solutions for
this
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 trend by using examples in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, there are several reasons behind
obesity
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,
speciall
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especially
 when it's found in young humans. The first and foremost cause of high weight in
children
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 is the huge usage of electronic products.To explain, nowadays most youngsters spend their leisure
time
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 on social sites and video games, and
due to
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 that, they usually avoid physical games and exercise, and because of that more than 58% of
children
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 in the USA face
obesity
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 problems, as per research multi-media channels.
In addition
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 to that, people are busy in their workaholic life and they forget to treat their
children
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 with healthy
good
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food
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,
instead
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, parents spend a lot of money on unhealthy diets from
time
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-Horton, and other fast food stores just to save
time
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. Despite these challenges, there are many solutions which we can use to
mitigates
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mitigate
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 the above obstacles.
However
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, certain measures are suggested to avoid the escalation of
this
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 trend.
To begin
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 with, the best solution to
this
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obesity
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 problem is healthy food. Every guardian needs to provide super healthy food options to their young ones so that they can protect themself from these kinds of dangerous health issues, which can make them weak as compared to Other youngsters. Another solution can be to set a
time
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 limit on technology product use and motivate
children
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 to play physical games like basketball, and cricket to improve their physical capacity.
According to
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 the research of science students of the Fraser University of BC, youngsters who
are investing
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invest
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 their
time
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 in physical sports are 20% stronger than those who are wasting their
time
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 on mobile phones.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are many causes behind
obesity
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 like lack of physical efforts and contemporary lifestyle the implementation of proposed solutions like healthy cuisines can be helpful to overcome the above setbacks.

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task achievement
Your essay has addressed the main causes and solutions for the issue of childhood obesity. However, make sure all your ideas are fully developed and clearly connected. For example, providing more details or evidence for each solution would strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in your sentences and check for grammatical accuracy. Avoid using informal language (
coherence cohesion
Your essay successfully presents an introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
You've provided relevant points and specific examples, such as statistics from the USA and a study from Fraser University. These make your essay compelling and informative.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Prevalent
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Comfort eating
  • Screen time
  • Physical education
  • Nutritional education
  • Economic disparities
  • Food deserts
  • Subsidize
  • Advertising
  • Weight management
  • Junk food
  • Healthy food options
  • Physical activity
  • Body image
  • Counseling
  • Consumer education
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