IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal.some people,however think that other types of progress are equally important for the country Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some politicians argue that economic
development
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 is a crucial goal ,
while
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 others think that the growth of other sides is evenly basic for the state ,in my opinion,
although
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 other parties' growth is essential the economic
system
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 is fundamental,
this
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 essay will explain both ideas and my view in details. There are several reasons for those who support the ultimate goal of government is economic progress.
Firstly
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,any country that has
aa
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a
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 strong economic
system
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 ensures sustainable
development
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 in various sectors
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 health care, education,
development
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 ,etc.
Secondly
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,economic progress means high-income citizens,
that is
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 to say improving quality of life and forming a strong shield against scarcity and poverty.
Moreover
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,it guarantees increasing demand for goods and little increase in taxes which in turn is spent on public services.
Thirdly
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, it can lead to more job opportunities and a noticeable reduction in the unemployment population.
Lastly
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, economic progress ensures the appropriate distribution of monetary resources, in order to maintain a cost-effective balance in the population, which prevents economic disasters and inflation exemplified by the current situation in Sudan , as the currency plummeted by 300%
while
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 wages remained low ,
consequently
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, the Sudanese facing lack of food ,households and public services.
However
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, the others who assert that other areas are essential too ,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 education ,healthcare and
development
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, argue that without a good educational
system
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,illiteracy would spread and there would be a scarcity of qualified people,which would open new items of expenditure to hire foreign expertise. so more money is spent in that sector.
Furthermore
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, neglecting of healthcare
system
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 results in more sick people and most of the citizens wouldn't afford treatment expenses,which bears a load on the economic sector.
To sum up
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, as some authorities believe that the economic status of the country is the most basic point , as it assists the nation to reach the best quality of life,other governors impose that unfulfilling the other sectors will impact the economy negatively.I staunchly believe that,despite the importance of other sides , the financial
system
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 always forms the base of prosperity for all sectors.

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task achievement
The essay provides a response to the task and includes a discussion of both views and the writer's opinion. However, some points lack depth and could be more fully developed.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting points are fully explained. Some arguments, particularly in the second body paragraph, could be expanded for clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally maintains logical structure, but there are occasional issues with sentence structure and word choice that can impede the flow of ideas. More complex structures and varied vocabulary could enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic and provides the writer's opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and briefly summarize the points discussed. This helps create a clear structure for the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to support the main points, which strengthens the arguments made.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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