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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 particular time getting old is totally bad. Others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 say
life
Use synonyms
 for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 is so
better
Correct quantifier usage
much better
show examples
 than it was before. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
compiletly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that older
people
Use synonyms
 have
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
esier
Correct your spelling
easier
life
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 era. On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
conveced
Correct your spelling
convinced
 that getting old is really bad in the
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
life
Use synonyms
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 will prevent them from doing the thing they love. Football
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
for example
Linking Words
, when they reach the
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 of 30 becomes more
deficult
Correct your spelling
difficult
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to keep up with younger players, so
ether
Correct your spelling
either
show examples
 they but more effort or they just
retired
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, getting old makes you more susceptible to serious diseases and
that is
Linking Words
 related to the
weaknees
Correct your spelling
weakness
weaknesses
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
immune system
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because of that old
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 will
relay
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others to take care of them
such
Linking Words
 as
elderly
Add an article
an elderly
the elderly
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 home .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that
life
Use synonyms
 for elders is much better
nowadayes
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree.As many
people
Use synonyms
 think in
this
Linking Words
 era old
people
Use synonyms
 can have an easy
life
Use synonyms
 and
that is
Linking Words
 related to the development of the
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 and the
improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 in
medicen experinces
Correct your spelling
medical experiences
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the past when someone old
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 sick they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 nothing to do
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 him ,but nowadays there are better doctors and
medicens
Correct your spelling
medicines
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 era old
people
Use synonyms
 do not need to walk in huge
destence
Correct your spelling
distance
 to reach
thier destnation
Correct your spelling
their destination
 and that
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
improving
Replace the word
improvements
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 may vare in
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 opinion
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that getting old is
Correct your spelling
something
simething
Correct your spelling
something
 that we can avoid, but
life
Use synonyms
 is becoming easier for old
people
Use synonyms

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clear comprehensive ideas
You should ensure that your ideas are clearly and comprehensively explained. For instance, elaborate on why modern technology and medicine make life easier for the elderly.
complete response
Try to maintain consistent use of formal language and correct grammatical structures. For instance, avoid starting sentences with conjunctions like 'And' and ensure you use the correct subject-verb agreement.
supported main points
Proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'weaknees' should be 'weakness,' and 'deficult' should be 'difficult.'
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant specific examples, such as the challenges faced by football players as they age.
logical structure
The essay's structure is logical and well-organized, with clear arguments for both views.
introduction conclusion present
You included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion and provide a summary of your opinion.
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