In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views

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There are a number of countries, where youngsters usually indulge in some sort of work. Some individuals disagree with

this

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practice.

Whereas

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, others believe that they can get worthwhile experience

as well as

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it is quite dominant for education and for being responsible.

This

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essay will elaborate on both viewpoints in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, employment can be a distraction for a learner. To elaborate, children easily diverted from their goals, if they start involved in earning or doing some extracurricular jobs. They only have to focus on education so that they can get high-ranked positions.

For instance

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, posts

such

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as navy officers of any Nation that have strict rules and regulations. Trainers spend most of their time on training.

Therefore

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, they normally get detached from social and personal life.

Hence

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, teenagers should clear their thoughts and be involved in a single activity. Moving forward to another point of view, toddlers can update themself by participating in recreational work. To explain

this

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, there are numerous volunteer and paid jobs which are specially for young age children.

For example

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, government senior secondary schools of Canada generally give assignments to trainers on vacations

such

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as the role of a server which can only be completed after joining a restaurant and gaining some experience.

Thus

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, adults can easily grasp manners from after-school activities and follow them in real life too. In conclusion, It is considered that education is a separate fundamental. It can not be fully aimed if a person is unable to pay full attention. But, there are some institutes that promote skills as well which are

also

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necessary for youngsters.

harpreet291kaurSun Aug 04 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed the topic and have discussed both views. However, the essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Start by clearly defining your stance or summarizing the discussion briefly in the introduction.

task achievement

Some of your ideas could be more clearly expressed. Try to use more specific examples and elaborate on your points to ensure that your ideas are comprehensively covered.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a consistent use of tense throughout the essay. This will improve the clarity and flow of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Try to use connecting words and phrases (such as 'Firstly', 'However', 'On the other hand') effectively to improve the logical progression of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Make sure your introduction clearly outlines what the essay will discuss, and ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay.

task achievement

You have demonstrated a good attempt to discuss both views of the argument, which shows your understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion, which shows a clear structure.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however,say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.