In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views
There are a number of countries, where youngsters usually indulge in some sort of work. Some individuals disagree with
this
practice. Whereas
, others believe that they can get worthwhile experience as well as
it is quite dominant for education and for being responsible. This
essay will elaborate on both viewpoints in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, employment can be a distraction for a learner. To elaborate, children easily diverted from their goals, if they start involved in earning or doing some extracurricular jobs. They only have to focus on education so that they can get high-ranked positions. For instance
, posts such
as navy officers of any Nation that have strict rules and regulations. Trainers spend most of their time on training. Therefore
, they normally get detached from social and personal life. Hence
, teenagers should clear their thoughts and be involved in a single activity.
Moving forward to another point of view, toddlers can update themself by participating in recreational work. To explain this
, there are numerous volunteer and paid jobs which are specially for young age children. For example
, government senior secondary schools of Canada generally give assignments to trainers on vacations such
as the role of a server which can only be completed after joining a restaurant and gaining some experience. Thus
, adults can easily grasp manners from after-school activities and follow them in real life too.
In conclusion, It is considered that education is a separate fundamental. It can not be fully aimed if a person is unable to pay full attention. But, there are some institutes that promote skills as well which are also
necessary for youngsters.Submitted by harpreet291kaur on
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task achievement
You have addressed the topic and have discussed both views. However, the essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Start by clearly defining your stance or summarizing the discussion briefly in the introduction.
task achievement
Some of your ideas could be more clearly expressed. Try to use more specific examples and elaborate on your points to ensure that your ideas are comprehensively covered.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent use of tense throughout the essay. This will improve the clarity and flow of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Try to use connecting words and phrases (such as 'Firstly', 'However', 'On the other hand') effectively to improve the logical progression of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines what the essay will discuss, and ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good attempt to discuss both views of the argument, which shows your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion, which shows a clear structure.
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