in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think is a positive or a negative development?
In contemporary days, it is quite common to see a large number of people moving to the urban
areas
from the outskirts, which contributes to the population of the rural areas
continuous decline.
From my perspective, the drawbacks brought by this
trend are far more than its benefits.
Apparently, I have to admit that this
trend indicates cities have efficient development. With many people continuing to flock to the downtown area, there are lots of high-quality employees to service the companies, which it
is beneficial to enhancing economic development. At the same time, the environment of the rural area can be kept well as well.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, as what has been illustrated above, I still think there are more weaknesses we have to face from this
tendency.
Its disadvantages are transparently obvious, one of which is that can place a heavy strain on cities. To be more specific, the transport facilities might not support loads of passengers, and the price of housing might dramatically increase. Meanwhile, the air quality and noise level will become too harsh day by day. As a result
, the resident's quality of life will experience a significant drop. Another disadvantage that we cannot overlook is that the population of rural areas
decreases. It is detrimental to developing local infrastructure and facilities, such
as high schools, hospitals, and others. In addition
, as these areas
lack of workforce, the economy will develop slowly. People earn less money in the countryside, which causes a big gap between the rich in cities and the poverty in rural areas
. It is harmful to society's safety.
In conclusion, as has been shown above, the economy can boost efficiency in some cases. However
, this
trend should not be encouraged, considering the problems it causes to individuals and society.Submitted by 1390024496 on
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task achievement
Although you present both sides of the argument, you should provide stronger specific examples to support your points. For instance, you mentioned housing and transport issues, but could elaborate further with statistical data or specific case scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Words and phrases that clearly link ideas will make your argument more cohesive. For example, you can use phrases like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Finally'.
coherence cohesion
There were a few small grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as 'the city's efficient development' (could be 'cities' efficient development') and 'which it is beneficial' (could be 'which is beneficial'). Try proofreading your work or using grammar check tools to catch these minor mistakes.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a well-summarized conclusion, which strengthens the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You offer a balanced view by acknowledging the positive points before delving into the negatives. This makes your argument more comprehensive.
task achievement
Your essay covers several important points and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, reflecting proper engagement with the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.