IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that universities studentsshould specialise in a particular subject while others believe that they should study a range of subjects. Discus both views and give your opinion.

#people #universities #studentsshould #specialise #study #range #subjects #discus
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People
Use synonyms
 accept differences
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 one another. Poverty is a serious issue. They provide good education
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government is still expected to spend a large amount of money to conquer the growing tensions between different nations. Indeed, there is a rising sense of insecurity as
people
Use synonyms
 face numerous global issues which include the accelerating depletion of natural fuels and food resources
as well as
Linking Words
 the rising global temperatures and expansion of deserts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these problems lead to the poverty of many
people
Use synonyms
 and frequent international conflicts, causing more deaths and injuries.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government's ability to battle against other countries to protect the safety and peace of the citizens should be well maintained, making the investment significant. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the incredible amount of money for armies is not necessary as more
people
Use synonyms
 have a shared view of peace and cooperation.
However
Linking Words
, the greater possibilities for war in the severe situations on Earth make the investment important.
Submitted by mizuho on

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task achievement
Introduce the essay with a clear thesis statement. State clearly which view you support in the introduction and outline the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Develop each side of the argument thoroughly. Your essay should present a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before you express your own opinion.
task achievement
Add specific, relevant examples to support your points. This will make your argument more compelling and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Using transition words and phrases will help improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces your position. This is crucial for a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
You have expressed some complex ideas and attempted to discuss a contemporary issue.
task achievement
Your conclusion acknowledges the complexity of the issue, which is good for task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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