IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Fossil fuel, such as coal, oil and natural gas, is extensively used in many countries which causes harm to the environment. The use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, however, is being encouraged in many countries. Why the use of alternative sources of energy is being encouraged in many countries? Is this a positive or a negative development?

These days, technology has been developing extremely fast, so devices which come from new technology need
energy
Use synonyms
 to work;
as a result
Linking Words
, all countries use Fossil fuel, which is not an environmental resource to generate
energy
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 nowadays, many countries have replaced their
energy
Use synonyms
 resources by renewables
energy
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
, they encouraged other governments to change their source of efficiency. In my, opinion,
this
Linking Words
 revolution is a really good development for both global inhabitants and nature. On the one hand, using renewable
energy
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as wind, solar, and other things has a
lot
Use synonyms
 of matters, but the benefits can overshadow the demerits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these resources can avoid global warming which is a result of a
lot
Use synonyms
 of toxic gases like CO2, H2S, and other gases that are generated.
Secondly
Linking Words
, we do not have deforestation owing to the fact that we do not need area for building
energy
Use synonyms
 generator factories
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they are installed anywhere like little space.
For example
Linking Words
, we can install solar panels on the roof, and aspects of all buildings where in regions which can receive a
lot
Use synonyms
 of sun
energy
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, It is important that society who have been living on Earth need not only the Earth for the future but
also
Linking Words
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
;
therefore
Linking Words
, these sources are the best choice. On the one side, Earth is an inheritance which we obtained from prior generations and we will have to send it to the communities who will live in it,
hence
Linking Words
, we must use all resources that do not damage it. On the other side, we have to evolve their countries;
thus
Linking Words
, we need a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 for our utilisation and experiments, so the best choice for producing
energy
Use synonyms
 is clean
energy
Use synonyms
 which does not have a range of injuries.
To sum up
Linking Words
, Fossil fuel is the best selection for manufacturing
energy
Use synonyms
;
in contrast
Linking Words
, we need our environment for ourselves, future societies, and other creatures which have been living in the world; so, I advise that the best thing which can help us to protect our surrounding is altered our method of generation
energy
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
The essay needs improvement in maintaining clarity and cohesion between ideas. Linking words and phrases should be used more effectively to ensure a logical flow of arguments.
task response
Ensure that all main points are clearly supported with specific, relevant examples and explanations. The current examples are somewhat relevant but can be more specific and detailed.
language use
Some grammatical and lexical errors are present. Make sure to proofread the essay to correct minor errors and improve readability.
task response
The essay covers both parts of the prompt, discussing the reasons why alternative energy sources are encouraged and evaluating whether this shift is positive or negative.
conclusion
The conclusion brings together the main points of the essay effectively and provides a clear final stance on the topic.
overall structure
General ideas are clearly outlined, and the essay addresses the main points related to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: