Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Music

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an excellent universal instrument through which

people

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can convene in one place and share their ideas, emotions and stories. Owing to the issue of popular gatherings, many believe that

music

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serves

this

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purpose the best and I totally endorse

this

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viewpoint

due to

Linking Words

music

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’s universal reach and fun nature. On the one hand, all generations and various

cultures

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hold

music

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dear for numerous reasons which means that

music

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has a global

audience

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. Considering

this

Linking Words

fact leads us to figure out the significant role

music

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can play in order to assemble

people

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in one place despite their age or cultural and

ethnical

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ethnic

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backgrounds.

Furthermore

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, it is extremely practical and totally affordable for a diverse

audience

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to attend

music

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festivals or even a musical coffee shop. Another example

whould

Correct your spelling

would

be to organize a community musical convention in the cities that contain a vast number of international residents.

While

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the international residents get to know each other, they can build on their

Correct your spelling

shared

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taste of

music

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and probably expand it to other life areas or even make

long lasting

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long-lasting

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friendships.

On the other hand

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, another important point to consider is that

music

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is not only fun but

also

Linking Words

entertaining.

As a

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result

Add a comma

result,

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the diverse

audience

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can choose to listen to

music

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and share their ideas and stories or even start dancing if they feel comfortable

to do

Change the verb form

doing

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so.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it is

for

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason that

music

Use synonyms

has the potential to convene

people

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from diverse cultural and age groups who cherish spending fun times in a sociable gathering. A prime example of

this

Linking Words

would be

music

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classes in which we can simultaneously observe younger and older generations

as well as

Linking Words

people

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from distinct

cultures

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Hence

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this

Linking Words

diverse universal

audience

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represents the diversity of who treasure

music

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as a method that not only brings about peace of mind

Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

Linking Words

has the capacity to make peace among distinguished

cultures

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. In conclusion, I am unequivocally not only a supporter of

music

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as a tool which can bring

people

Use synonyms

together, but

also

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a preacher of

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

the

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idea that

music

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can release

people

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’s potential

know

Fix the infinitive

to know

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each other better through spontaneous gatherings and

also

Linking Words

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

enrich their knowledge about the unknown

cultures

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existing on our planet.

sajjad.talebi2020Sun Aug 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

To achieve a higher score, ensure a clearer and more seamless flow of ideas throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using cohesive devices more effectively and avoiding repetition of similar thoughts.

task achievement

To fully satisfy the task response criterion, make sure that your main ideas are more distinctly separated and elaborated upon. This might involve adding more specific examples to reinforce your arguments.

task achievement

Work on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. It is important to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, well-developed idea to improve clarity and coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively state and reiterate the position taken on the topic.

task achievement

You have included relevant examples and reasons to support your views, which strengthens the overall argument.

task achievement

Your commitment to the topic and enthusiasm for the argument are evident, and you have a good understanding of the role music plays in society.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

370 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Traditions are about the past and innovation is about the future, and it has been argued that we need to let go of traditions for the sake of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? What role should traditions have in our lives?

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts, while boys like science. What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed? (Problem and Solution)