Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Music
in
an excellent universal instrument through which Correct your spelling
is
people
can convene in one place and share their ideas, emotions and stories. Owing to the issue of popular gatherings, many believe that music
serves this
purpose the best and I totally endorse this
viewpoint due to
music
’s universal reach and fun nature.
On the one hand, all generations and various cultures
hold music
dear for numerous reasons which means that music
has a global audience
. Considering this
fact leads us to figure out the significant role music
can play in order to assemble people
in one place despite their age or cultural and ethnical
backgrounds. Replace the word
ethnic
Furthermore
, it is extremely practical and totally affordable for a diverse audience
to attend music
festivals or even a musical coffee shop. Another example whould
be to organize a community musical convention in the cities that contain a vast number of international residents. Correct your spelling
would
While
the international residents get to know each other, they can build on their shares
taste of Correct your spelling
shared
music
and probably expand it to other life areas or even make long lasting
friendships.
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
On the other hand
, another important point to consider is that music
is not only fun but also
entertaining. As a
result
the diverse Add a comma
result,
audience
can choose to listen to music
and share their ideas and stories or even start dancing if they feel comfortable to do
so. Change the verb form
doing
Moreover
, it is for
this
reason that music
has the potential to convene people
from diverse cultural and age groups who cherish spending fun times in a sociable gathering. A prime example of this
would be music
classes in which we can simultaneously observe younger and older generations as well as
people
from distinct cultures
. Hence
, this
diverse universal audience
represents the diversity of who treasure music
as a method that not only brings about peace of mind,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
has the capacity to make peace among distinguished cultures
.
In conclusion, I am unequivocally not only a supporter of music
as a tool which can bring people
together, but also
as
a preacher of Change preposition
apply
this
idea that Correct determiner usage
the
music
can release people
’s potential know
each other better through spontaneous gatherings and Fix the infinitive
to know
also
to
enrich their knowledge about the unknown Fix the infinitive
apply
cultures
existing on our planet.Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on
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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, ensure a clearer and more seamless flow of ideas throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using cohesive devices more effectively and avoiding repetition of similar thoughts.
task achievement
To fully satisfy the task response criterion, make sure that your main ideas are more distinctly separated and elaborated upon. This might involve adding more specific examples to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. It is important to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, well-developed idea to improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively state and reiterate the position taken on the topic.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples and reasons to support your views, which strengthens the overall argument.
task achievement
Your commitment to the topic and enthusiasm for the argument are evident, and you have a good understanding of the role music plays in society.