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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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It is widely acknowledged that modern
technology
Use synonyms
 has brought
people
Use synonyms
 together, but there are
also
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 others
Correct pronoun usage
who disagreeing
show examples
disagreeing
Wrong verb form
disagree
show examples
 with
this
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 idea. As far as I'm concerned, I partly agree with
this
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 idea. On the one hand, the development of
technology
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 effectively brings
people
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 together.
Firstly
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, the internet covers an extremely long distance with signals.
For example
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,
people
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 in the past had to travel to certain
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 to meet their friends in another city,
while
Linking Words
 contemporarily,
people
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 are accessible to each other online.
Secondly
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, the internet provides
people
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 with a platform where everyone can give his or her own opinion and can learn what others think.
For example
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, in ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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, only reputed
people
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 could write
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 views down and spread his views among
people
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, but contemporarily, everyone was endowed
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 chance to discuss online, which really unit the
people
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.
Finally
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, with the help of emerging
technology
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--artificial
technology
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, it is estimated that some of the exhausting
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 will be replaced, so
people
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 can search more profoundly in their spiritual world, which actually makes
people
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 more sympathetic.
On the other hand
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, to some extent, modern
technology
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also
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 drives
people
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 apart. As is said, the internet provides
people
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 with a platform to show their own ideas, which
also
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 means that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more chance for radical and cynical ideas to be exposed to all walks of life.
People
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 are more likely to be divided ideologically into different parties, causing more conflicts, which could be an expensive and exhausting election in
democratic
Add an article
a democratic
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 society or a war to drive
people
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 more apart and more astray. In conclusion, I believe that modern
technology
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 is helpful, and
people
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 could form a more unbreakable union with the help of modern
technology
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, but
people
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 should always be aware that modern
technology
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 is
also
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 endowed with
Correct article usage
the potentials
show examples
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
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 to drive us apart, so
people
Use synonyms
 must be saner and more sensitive to avoid
such
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 kind of risks

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task achievement
Ensure each argument is well-supported with specific examples to strengthen the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Address minor grammatical errors to improve clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
Include clear transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting both viewpoints and stating the writer's stance.
complete response
The essay covers both perspectives fairly and provides a balanced discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fostering
  • Global connections
  • Isolation
  • Diminished
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Cultural and geographical divides
  • Paradox
  • Social media
  • Alienating
  • Family dynamics
  • Echo chambers
  • Polarize
  • Marginalized communities
  • Inclusivity
  • Maintaining relationships
  • Evolution of communication
  • Instant messaging
  • Video calls
  • Technological advances
  • Collaboration
  • Remote isolation
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