IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympic is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The majority of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 are captivating events that bring
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 together. Others have
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
show examples
 a waste of cost and the
money
Use synonyms
 can be acceptable spending on other things. There are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 benefits
making
Change preposition
of making
show examples
 tournament
Olympic
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
games
Capitalize word
Games
show examples
 not only it can cooperate different
countries
Use synonyms
 with the competition. And It
also
Linking Words
 got a relationship by
joined
Change the form of the verb
joining
show examples
 the events.
However
Linking Words
, it requires
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to develop
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 are spending
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
, There are some advantages for most
countries
Use synonyms
. First of all the nation could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cooperation
Replace the word
cooperate
show examples
 with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 playing football can make
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 each
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
show examples
 during their
are match
Change the verb form
match
show examples
, so it more easy to know each other
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
following the championship.
As a result
Linking Words
, the country
follow
Change the verb form
follows
show examples
 the
Olympic
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 which
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
another nations
Replace the adjective
another nation
other nations
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
people
Use synonyms
 would say
that is
Linking Words
 spending
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. Because they need to build infrastructure,
for instance
Linking Words
, the stadium for the
Olympic
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
,
Therefore
Linking Words
 need big cost building the place for playing the
games
Use synonyms
 but the impact is not essential for the country.
However
Linking Words
, it more better to invest in sector
education
Use synonyms
 and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 because it
effects
Verb problem
is
show examples
 good for poor
people
Use synonyms
 and human beings.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 feel the impact investment of
Use synonyms
education
Change preposition
in education
show examples
 more
good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 than building
facilities
Use synonyms
Olympic
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
after the event
people
Use synonyms
 do not
used
Change the verb form
use
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public
facilities
Use synonyms
. I support the nation must
be invest
Wrong verb form
investment
show examples
 in the field
Use synonyms
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 and economy
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is essential for human beings especially in developing
countries
Use synonyms
, so they can get the effect to increase
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 knowledge and
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 village,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will be smart and it to be rich because of
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
development
Replace the word
developed
show examples
 economy. To sum
, there
Change preposition
up, there
show examples
 are some
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
show examples
 to join the
Olympic
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for many
nation
Change to a plural noun
nations
show examples
 which get cooperation
Change preposition
from another
show examples
another
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 during they are following the contest.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
some
Correct determiner usage
one
show examples
 drawback is spending a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 to invest
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 stadium and other
facilities
Use synonyms
Change preposition
for sport
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. I recommend
to invest
Change the verb form
investing
show examples
 in field
education
Use synonyms
 and
sector
Add an article
the sector
show examples
 more bigger impact than infestation on
tournament
Fix the agreement mistake
tournaments
show examples
.

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grammar
Work on grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability. For example, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles.
evidence
Focus on extending points with more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments better.
structure
Improve the logical structure of your essay by clearly connecting ideas and paragraphs. Transition phrases can help guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
task completion
You have addressed both views in the discussion and provided your own opinion, which is crucial for a balanced task response.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are presented, which helps in framing your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster global unity
  • international camaraderie
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • platform for showcasing
  • national pride
  • human achievement
  • economic benefits
  • influx of tourism
  • boost local economies
  • infrastructure investments
  • long-term benefits
  • enormous costs
  • pressing social issues
  • white elephants
  • poor return on investment
  • environmental impact
  • short-lived event
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