An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?
These days many careers
such
as healthcare provider
and Fix the agreement mistake
providers
tutor
are migrating to work in the developed world for a better future. Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
Although
there are several problems related to this
matter, solutions are on hand to address them.
To begin
with, there is no doubt that many people will leave their hometown to persuade
Verb problem
pursue
a promising and stable lifestyles
. Correct the article-noun agreement
promising and stable lifestyles
a promising and stable lifestyle
Therefore
, one of the first problem
is that the people in the poor country will not Change to a plural noun
problems
getting
their fundamental needs because of lacking Change the verb form
get
be getting
in
Change preposition
of
such
professionals. For instance
, hospitals need sufficient workers to operate in order to treat their patience
without any errors that would lead to Fix the agreement mistake
patients
motality
. Correct your spelling
mortality
motility
In addition
, another problem that need
to be considered is Change the verb form
needs
tax
burden. As we can see, more and more Correct article usage
the tax
talents
individuals emigrating to Replace the word
talented
advance
countries and Replace the word
advanced
less
people are paying their Change the quantifier
fewer
tax
. Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
This
results in other professions need
to pay more tax than before.
To mitigate Wrong verb form
needing
this
situation, firstly
, the government should improve their working conditions and salaries. By offering more benefits, higher wages and better living conditions. Subsequently
, these
will encourage them to stay, Correct pronoun usage
this
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
this
idea can attract more highly-skilled foreign workers and to
replace those Fix the infinitive
apply
have
been lost. Correct pronoun usage
who have
Furthermore
, another possible solution is that government
can encourage Correct article usage
the government
private
Correct article usage
the private
sectors
to invest in labor productivity, in a view to boost their salaries and skills. Fix the agreement mistake
sector
Thus
, higher wages would be useful for taxable income, resulting in a better economy in the future.
In conclusion, the brain drain can be reduced through more incentives and investment in labor
sectors by the authorities and the business because Change the spelling
labour
such
skilled professionals are needed to ensure a stable economy and demand towards our society.Submitted by tifjong on
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task achievement
Try to develop each point more fully, explaining how and why the problem occurs and providing more detailed examples.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure every paragraph has a clear central idea and that it builds logically on the ideas presented in the previous paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious of grammatical errors and awkward phrases, such as "To persuade a promising and stable lifestyles" which should be "to pursue a promising and stable lifestyle."
all
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have identified and elaborated on two main problems and provided reasonable solutions for them, showing a good grasp of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical flow of ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example