Write about the following topic. Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Bullying is now seen as one of the major concerns between students,
parents
and teachers. Some individuals choose to bully others because of the excitements, and grudges, as well as
just enjoy the feeling of powerfulness or control of others. This
issue should be taken seriously by all parties as there were some cases that had serious after-effects.
First of all, one of the biggest factors that causes bullying is because of the lack of attentiveness from parents
. Some parents
tend to either deeply trust their children or not give them enough attention, causing their children to act freely outside of their parent's sight. For example
, children will feel more dominant as they knew
that their Wrong verb form
know
parents
will always believe that their child is never wrong. Other than that, bully
happens Fix the agreement mistake
bullying
due to
the
exposure Correct article usage
apply
of
a negative world. Change preposition
to
For instance
, they could have seen action shows that indicate bullying behaviour which influenced them to do the same.
However
, there are a lot of solutions that can be done to avoid this
violent action. Family plays a big part in teaching their kids good morality from young
, so they can normalize courtesy. Correct article usage
a young
Moreover
, the law should be stricter for bullying to the extent of injuries or deaths, such
as issuing a higher fine and serving time in jails for a longer time.
In conclusion, bullying can be prevented in many ways as it is up to ourselves
. As people grow older, we should know the difference between rights and wrongs, so that justice can always be perceived and there will be no victims among our loved ones.Correct pronoun usage
us
Submitted by izziannblh on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, you could work on the flow between paragraphs to make it even more seamless.
task achievement
While the main points are supported, adding more specific examples and details would strengthen your arguments and provide more depth to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both causes and solutions for bullying. This ensures that you stay on topic and answer the question effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the essay effectively and summarizing your points neatly.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?