IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the development of countries can lead to environmental damage, especially in terms of air and water quality. Discuss the causes and suggest possible solutions to address this issue.

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The development of countries sometimes can be a harmful experience in terms of the resources that we consume. Reducing the quality of
air
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 and
water
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 is a serious problem that we should consider. In
this
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 essay, some actions will be discussed to reverse
this
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 process
Firstly
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, the lack of green areas in metropolitan places and a large number of
cars
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 should be mentioned. Increasing the number of trees is one of the easiest and most effective ways to reduce the excessive amounts of carbon dioxide in the
air
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, as trees emit oxygen. Another step that can be taken is increasing the number of electric
cars
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. Electric
cars
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 are eco-friendly products which can help to maintain fresh
air
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 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term. Some big cans manufacturing companies like Tesla or Volkswagen produce electric
cars
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 and other companies
also
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 should be encouraged by the government.
Secondly
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, in order to save
water
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 and reduce waste, it is important to inform people about its long-term consequences. Different kinds of workshops or special lectures at schools or universities may aid in creating an environment where society is aware of the excessive consumption of
water
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.
Additionally
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, some fishing methods can pollute big
water
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 sources
such
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 as lakes or rivers.
For example
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, special chemicals that are used in fishing destroy the underwater environment which
also
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 may lead to chronic disorders in people. In conclusion,
while
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 large cities confront some problems with declining quality of
air
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 and
water
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, in order to create a healthy future the aspects which are discussed in the essay should be considered and necessary steps have to be taken in that way.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the prompt effectively, ensure each main point is clearly tied back to the central issue. For instance, explain more how the lack of green areas directly relates to environmental damage.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to enhance and substantiate your points further. For example, mention specific policies that have successfully increased the adoption of electric cars.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly by using linking words such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," to maintain cohesive flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the context by mentioning both the problem and the purpose of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively sums up your ideas and reiterates the importance of action against environmental damage.
task achievement
You have addressed various aspects of the prompt such as air and water quality and provided solutions, fulfilling the task achievement requirement.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a key idea, enhancing coherence.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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