IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that a country’s wealth is dependant on the health of its citizens. Other people argue that education is a better indicator of a nation’s wealth and well-being. What is your opinion? What are some other factors that contribute to the growth and prosperity of a country?

#people #country’s #wealth #dependant #health #citizens #education #indicator #nation’s #factors #growth #prosperity #country
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There are numerous gauges to the
country
Use synonyms
's
overall
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 wealth. Some might argue that the citizen's health should be the primary indicator of a
country
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's well-being,
while
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 others believe that
education
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 is a better measure. Personally, I believe that
education
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 is the rightful measure to assess the
country
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's financial state,
however
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, other factors like
infrostructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 should not be overlooked. First and foremost,
countries
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 which provide their citizens with top-tier
education
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 are paving the way to a bright future.
Such
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countries
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 realise that in order to develop they must invest in young minds who have time to grow and invent in the future. These investments result in a
country
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 which is prosperous with its own citizens. to demonstrate China, which is one of the
fastest growing
Add a hyphen
fastest-growing
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countries
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, has achieved
this
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 success through a strict
education
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 system where each student is encouraged to try to work hard and never give up.
Furthermore
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, Another indicator of a
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Countries well
Change noun form
Country's
show examples
being
Verb problem
well-being
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 is the availability of Infrastructure
such
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 as electricity, water pipes,and highways. in developing
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countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 it is common for electricity to cut out for no reason ,or for streets to flood for weeks without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
govrenment
Correct your spelling
government
 notice
.
Correct your spelling
Such occurrences
such
Linking Words
 occurences ,
while
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 insignificant ,are vital for assessing the
overall
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 Prosperity.
on the other hand
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, developed
countries
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 never have
Such
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 issues indicating themselves as wealthy. In conclusion ,
Education
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 Plays a pivotal
faute
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
role in assessing the
Well being
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of nations because it is the building block for a prosperous
Country
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 . Other factors, Namely,
frostructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 measure the. Convenience of living .In light of
such
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conclusion
Correct article usage
a conclusion
show examples
 I
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
reckon
Countries
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 Should work hand in hand with their citizens to secure a
prosperouse
Correct your spelling
prosperous
 future
Submitted by wd2288402 on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the question well, consider providing a more balanced view in the introduction. While you primarily favor education, mention health as a significant factor too to give a more nuanced introduction.
coherence cohesion
A more structured approach to paragraphs can enhance logical flow. For example, minor grammatical errors and inconsistencies (e.g., 'infrostructure' instead of 'infrastructure', 'China' lacks an article) should be addressed for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words to connect your ideas more smoothly. Make sure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' can improve cohesion.
task achievement
Your conclusion reiterates your opinion well but can be enhanced with a brief restatement of the main points discussed.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion were well-presented, clearly mentioning your stance and summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, particularly the case of China, which added depth to your essay.
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