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Band 2.5

Freshwater has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of this increased demand, and what measures could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

#resource #parts #world #demand #measures #governments #individuals
These days, the importance of freshwater is one of the serious issues as it has consistently been  
finite
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a finite
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 resource in some
part
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parts
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over
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of
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 the globe. There is widespread belief among people that
this
 issue is a popular subject of debate. In
this
 essay, I shall discuss how different issues lead to different outcomes.
To begin
 with, Ethical Relationship
concern
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concerns
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 with several other aspects of today's world
has
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have
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 become critical. The discussion related to signifying the value of
this
 topic has indeed attracted the attention of millions of people around the globe. Needless to say, we should not entirely ignore the impacts of
Correct article usage
the sortage
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sortage
Correct your spelling
shortage
 of freshwater. Another pivotal aspect of my point of view is that we should understand the potential of Scarcity of demand in today's world. We should
also
 consider that if these
issue
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issues
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 are not addressed
then
 it can lead
of
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to
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 a huge water conflict.
Furthermore
, we should address the questions and concerns raised by
this
 topic by taking proper steps and measures.
Hence
, it is clear from the arguments that we can establish a proper relationship between
rise
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the rise
a rise
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 in
deficiency
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the deficiency
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 of
freshwater
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fresh water
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 and other similar topics.
Finally
, after taking the aforementioned points into consideration, from my personal perspective, I am inclined to believe that the drought
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of offreshwater
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offreshwater
Correct your spelling
of freshwater
freshwater
 raises ethical concerns topics is a subject matter of discussion.
Submitted by niteshrayamajhi542 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt but not fully. You need to provide specific causes of increased freshwater demand and also include precise measures that governments and individuals can take. Adding detailed reasons and concrete examples will enhance your response.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay lacks a bit of clarity. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the ideas flow logically. Including better transitions between paragraphs will also help to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
You should better support your main points with more specific details or examples. Avoid using vague statements; instead, clarify your ideas with relevant data or instances.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion needs to be more reflective of the main points discussed in the essay. Summarize your key points and suggest possible solutions to improve the overall logical structure.
task response
You have a good understanding of the topic and recognize the significance of addressing freshwater scarcity.
task response
Your essay attempts to address multiple dimensions of the issue, which shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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