Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people are under
impression
that travellers to Correct article usage
the impression
other country
ought to pursue local customs and behaviour. Contrary, another idea told that the householder must show Change the wording
another country
other countries
the
hospitality and accept another Correct article usage
apply
culture
.
On the one hand, it goes without saying that plenty of people take norm
seriously. For Correct article usage
the norm
an
example, Correct article usage
apply
an
ordinary people in Viet Nam want to share intangible Correct article usage
apply
culture
heritage Replace the word
cultural
such
as Hue royal refined music, Quan ho folk music, Southern amateur music, ca tru and much
more sentimental values. It suddenly dawned on me that the citizens Correct quantifier usage
many
wishes
to become Wrong verb form
wished
a
friends with Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
foreigner
to display their spectacular Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
traditional
which made Replace the word
traditions
they
proudCorrect pronoun usage
them
of
. Others hold the notion that the newcomer should adhere to local customs and behaviour principles, it Change preposition
apply
so
unfair for the sightseers because birds with the same feather flock togetherAdd a missing verb
is so
quotes
.
Verb problem
apply
On the other hand
, culture
is the root of a nation so protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
culture
is protect
whole the country. In terms of the traditional, the demand for Fix the infinitive
to protect
discovery
Correct article usage
the discovery
new
things in everyone is Change preposition
of new
such
a
complicated, Correct article usage
apply
many
individuals wonder about the sense of mystery of the differences so they research and try to act like an Correct word choice
that many
alien
. Fix the agreement mistake
aliens
Albeit
Change preposition
Although
this
way helpful
for the development of the country Add a missing verb
is helpful
but
each person must Correct word choice
apply
screening
Change the verb form
screen
be screening
accordingly
.
In brief, we couldn’t urge anyone to do something especially
about the Add the comma(s)
, especially
custom
and Fix the agreement mistake
customs
behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
Moreover
, every folk has their private principal so accept another one need to check it thoroughly. From my perspective, sightseers is
our Change the verb form
are
guest
so we need to introduce Fix the agreement mistake
guests
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves about
about
our special and let them chill to have a fantastic vacation.Change preposition
to
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is somewhat clear, but try to elaborate a bit more on why people hold each view to enhance the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main argument and avoid mixing ideas. This will help to maintain a logical structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to strengthen your examples and make sure they clearly support your points. For instance, adding a few more specific details about the cultural impacts would help.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. At times, the essay becomes a bit hard to follow due to awkward phrasing. Simplifying your sentences might help.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, fulfilling the basic task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully wraps up the discussion, summarizing the writer's stance. Good job!
task achievement
You have mentioned specific cultural examples like Hue royal refined music and Quan ho folk music, which enhance the essay's relevance to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.