IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?

In
this
Linking Words
 competitive era,children
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 numerous turbulences regarding their study,sport and social environment.There are myriad factors
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affecting their growth and enhance obstacles in their
careerpath
Correct your spelling
career path
.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,I will discuss both risk factors related
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
pressure
Use synonyms
 and their solutions with
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
appropriate examples.
Firstly
Linking Words
,academic institutions have more
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 as
conpared
Correct your spelling
compared
 to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,they might
suffered
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 mental problems as kids have
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
task
Change to a plural noun
tasks
show examples
 to do at the same time.
Secondaly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
,nowadays no children would like to socialise with their relatives but their parents always
pressure
Use synonyms
 them and proliferate their burdens.Each child has different qualities and strengths,
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of
understand
Change the verb form
understanding
show examples
it they
are went
Change the verb form
are going
show examples
 through metaphor with other
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 commercialisation in every
factors
Change to a singular noun
factor
show examples
 they have been always going through
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain financial
isssues
Correct your spelling
issues
.
Peers
Change noun form
Peers'
Peer's
show examples
pressure
Use synonyms
 is another major reason for their
pressure
Use synonyms
. There are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of ways to solve these issues,
Instead
Linking Words
 of being
harss
Correct your spelling
harsh
harass
 parents provide
supportive
Add an article
a supportive
show examples
 and friendly environment at their home.They must understand their offspring
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not expect more and be caring whatever the situation they are suffering.Teachers can provide diverse tasks to solve their confusion as well
act
Correct word choice
as act
show examples
 as
mentor
Fix the agreement mistake
mentors
show examples
 in different situations.
Authoroties
Correct your spelling
Authorities
 must provide various resources for them like
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a park,sports academies and swimming coaches for their mental and physical well-being.
Shools
Correct your spelling
Schools
show examples
 must have
mentor
Fix the agreement mistake
mentors
show examples
 or social workers to identify their needs and provide them
better
Change preposition
with better
show examples
 surroundings.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
pressure
Use synonyms
 can be reduced by providing
Correct article usage
a burdenfree
show examples
burdenfree
Correct your spelling
burden-free
burden free
 environment during their upbringing.It can be only possible by
equally
Change the adverb
equal
show examples
 contributions of their parents,mentors,teachers and authorities.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in your ideas by structuring your essay with clear topic sentences that outline what each paragraph will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the main points you will discuss, and that each body paragraph directly addresses these points.
task achievement
Use specific examples to better illustrate the points you're making. General statements sometimes need concrete details to make them more convincing.
task achievement
Be careful with grammar and sentence construction to avoid making your points difficult to understand.
task achievement
Your essay clearly identifies a range of pressures faced by children nowadays, including academic, social, and commercial pressures.
coherence cohesion
You have a conclusion that summarizes the main points and suggests a collaborative approach to reduce pressures on children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic competition
  • peer pressure
  • social media influence
  • advertising targeting
  • balanced lifestyle
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental well-being
  • academic expectations
  • unrealistic standards
  • college applications
What to do next:
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