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Band 5.5

Some young people like to copy the behavior and clothes of famous Korean people today. Why do you think this is happening? What impacts may it have on society?

#people #copy #behavior #clothes #korean #impacts #society
In recent years, many youngsters have had to act
similarly
 to outstanding
Korean
 idols in the way of attitude and style. There are reasons and impacts behind
this
 phenomenon. I will explain it in the essay below.
Firstly
, the massive development of media is a big reason for
this
 phenomenon. The advancement of the
Korean
 wave—the spread of
Korean
 culture— truly extends to the young people's circles around the world. If youth want to access
Korean
 information they can easily find it through the internet or social media and later they can adapt it to their daily life.
Therefore
, a wise attitude is needed in every individual in dealing with
this
 case.
Secondly
, some impacts that might happen from these circumstances as though increasing demand for everything
that is
 related to
Korean
 culture because of popularity and trends in the markets. In
this
 situation not only the entertainment industry that affected but
also
 some industries
such
 as fashion, lifestyle, and make-up.
Additionally
, when people idolize someone excessively could lead to fanaticism as a bad influence. It might lead to hallucinations or other mental problems.
To sum up
this
 discussion, the advancement of technology caused
this
 case and there are bad and good impacts which happened
according to
this
 issue.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, try to include more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, mention specific Korean idols and trends or give examples of how young people imitate them.
task achievement
While your essay is generally clear, aim to develop your ideas more fully. Discuss the reasons and impacts in greater depth, making sure each point is well-explained and supported.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will make your essay flow better and enhance readability.
introduction
Your introduction clearly explains the topic and sets the stage for your discussion, which is very effective.
conclusion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points of your essay, providing a nice closure to your discussion.
task achievement
The essay covers both the reasons and impacts of the phenomenon, which shows a balanced approach to addressing the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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