IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Traffic jam is a big issue in many cities. What causes it? What can be done about it?

#traffic #jam #cities
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 in urban have
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their own personal
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 for
transportation
. It changes to a
traffic
 jam
issue
 in many cities. By the way, the clause of
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 is they cannot
use
 public
transportation
.
This
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
problem
 and how will be better.
Several
Change preposition
In several
show examples
 cities
people
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
buy their
owner
Replace the word
own
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and
use
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
 daily life, especially in urban. Because public
transportation
 is not convenient
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them. The amount of public
transportation
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high
cost
 per day much as the
cost
 of fuel when they
use
 personal
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
.
In addition
, they must
use
 many types
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 go to their destination because the
transportation
 areas are not
cover
Wrong verb form
covered
show examples
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 their house.
For example
, Residence of many workers in Bangkok are
stayed
Verb problem
located
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 suburb areas but there
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a work place
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
downtown. If they cannot drive a
car
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 must
be
Change the verb form
use
show examples
use
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 and
subway
 at
lease
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 go to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work and it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a high expenditure per day that clause why
have
Wrong verb form
there are
show examples
 many cars in urban and become to
traffic
issue
. Summaries, if they want to reduce
this
issue
.
that is
 a big
problem
 for the government
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to have a management for public
transportation
. They
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 more
subway
 lines to cover the areas and reduce
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of tickets
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will make
to
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 easier for
people
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
show examples
 to
use
 public
transportation
 and less down of personal
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
.
For example
,
People
 in South Korea
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have an underground cover by their area in
capital
Add an article
the capital
show examples
. It makes
to
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 easier for
there
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
people
 to
use
 the
subway
.
And another
Correct word choice
Another
show examples
 example
,
Correct your spelling
is subway
Subway
 tickets in China have a cheap
cost
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 2-5 Yuan and many
people
 usually
use
 the underground. It has an effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
 their
traffic
 jam
issue
. In conclusion,
traffic
 jam is an
issue
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many cities because public
transportation
 is not suitable with
there
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
people
. In my opinion, if they were attended to underground and can pay less than
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of fuel. It will be
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 to reduce
this
problem
.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Work on creating a more logical structure for your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.
supported main points
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with specific examples. This can enhance the depth and relevance of your arguments.
complete response
Make sure you respond fully to the essay question. Your response should cover all parts of the prompt comprehensively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify your ideas with more precise language and structure. Aim for clarity and coherence in each sentence and paragraph.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, appropriately framing the topic and summarizing the points discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: