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Band 3

Some businesses now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it also takes away some of our freedom. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons.

#businesses #smoke #cigarettes #offices #governments #places #idea #freedom
While
 some argue that banning smoking in public areas and workplaces is beneficial,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe it restricts their self-determination. In my opinion, smoking bans in those areas are a positive step. It promotes an inclusive environment and
protect
Change the verb form
protects
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 the public health.
To begin
 with, smoking causes a
viarity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of health risks,
such
 as lung cancer, heart
diseases
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disease
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 and respiratory conditions.
This
 can not only affect the person who smokes directly but
also
 secondhand smokers,
such
 as children or pregnant women.
For example
, the likelihood of developing cancer increases with every cigarette one smokes, leading to a higher number of
hospitalization
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitalizations
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. In order to protect
this
 vulnerable cohort smoking should be banned in those areas.
Submitted by philipp_becker on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear standpoint, and your arguments are reasonable. Make sure to cover both sides of the argument even if you don't agree with the opposing view. This can create a more balanced discussion, enhancing your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your conclusion. A strong conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion. This will improve the logical structure and overall coherence.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the main issue and presents your stance clearly, which contributes positively to task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have logical progression in your essay, moving smoothly from one point to the next, which is key for coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • restrictions
  • adverse health impacts
  • secondhand smoke
  • lung cancer
  • heart disease
  • respiratory conditions
  • inclusive environment
  • exacerbated
  • impinge
  • greater good
  • healthcare costs
  • productive workforce
  • designated smoking areas
  • compromise
  • public awareness campaigns
  • punitive
  • strategy
  • lifestyle choices
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