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Writing Samples /
Band 5

You are interested in applying for a scholarship program to study at a foreign university. Write a letter to inquire about the course. In your letter: •explain which course you are interested in •say what you know about the university •explain why you should receive the scholarship

#scholarship #program #study #university #course #•explain #•say
Dear Sir or Madam I am writing
this
 letter to express my
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in a scholarship
university
 to study at a foreign
university
. The first thing I would like to draw your attention to the course which I choose is
programmer
Correct article usage
the programmer
show examples
 course. I love nothing more than
this
 field. I devote my life to
this
 job.
Additionally
, I am
programming
Correct article usage
a programming
show examples
 specialist
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
university
. I promise to work
accordingly
. I think your
university
 is one of the top universities in the world. I am aware of nothing about your institute.
To sum up
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
I know that, is
this
 please has been famous for teaching. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
 I was
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 one student
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 won many prizes in lots of
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
.
Is that's
Unnecessary verb
That's
show examples
 why I think I am a highly viable candidate for
this
 scholarship.
That is
 all the reasons why I am writing
this
 letter. I hope you read my letter attentively and I am waiting for your explanation.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 faithfully Davronova Jasmina
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Ensure the letter fully addresses the prompt and provides specific details about the course, the university, and the reasons for the scholarship application. For example, clarify what you know about the university's programming course and its reputation.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your letter. Divide it into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea. This will make the letter easier to read and more organized. For example, have one paragraph for the course, one for the university, and one for why you deserve the scholarship.
task achievement
Use more formal language and avoid conversational phrases to improve the writing tone. For example, use 'faithfully' rather than 'Your faithfully' and avoid subjective remarks like 'I love nothing more than this field.'
task achievement
The letter addresses all the key points: the course, the university, and the reason for the scholarship, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The closing and greeting are appropriately included, maintaining a formal tone.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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