Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Reported 2017, Academic Test)
In recent times, fashion and
money
have made celebrities more famous among youngsters than their achievements. I completely agree with this
statement as it put
badly Verb problem
apply
impact
the new generation who is following famous personalities. Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
This
may highly encourage young
Correct article usage
the young
genration
to spend more Correct your spelling
generation
money
on fashion and makeup instead
of following those who did hardwork
and accomplished higher Correct your spelling
hard work
position
in Fix the agreement mistake
positions
the
society, Correct article usage
apply
thus
take
them far from their Wrong verb form
taking
preofessional
Correct your spelling
professional
goals
.
The prime reason why I strongly agree with the aforementioned statement is youth, these days, are crazy about the
social media Correct article usage
apply
such
as instagram
, Change the capitalization
Instagram
twiter
and Correct your spelling
twitter
tiktok
. They not only follow their Correct your spelling
TikTok
favourites
personalities but Change the noun form
favourite
also
copy their style in clothing and makeup. In this
way
they spend their Add a comma
way,
money
on buying same
stuff to look Correct article usage
the same
alike
them. Correct your spelling
like
Therefore
, they do not save money
for their goals
and further
education to make achievements in the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, they waste the
ample Correct article usage
apply
of
time Change preposition
apply
in
watching their reels, stories and Change preposition
apply
video
which can be devoted forwards learning new skills to achieve their Fix the agreement mistake
videos
future
goals
. Thus
, youth is getting more attracted towards the glomour
and Correct your spelling
glamour
money
holder people instead
of achievement holder personlaities
Correct your spelling
personalities
such
as altheletes
, cricketers. Correct your spelling
athletes
Thus
, lack
of interest in learning skills will Correct article usage
a lack
definately
make them lazy and unambitious towards their Correct your spelling
definitely
future
.
To conclude
, due to
higher interest in social media's famous peronalities
youngster are becoming lazy, unambitious about Correct your spelling
personalities
future
and spending their Correct article usage
the future
money
and time. Thus
they should more focus on learnig
skills and work hard for their Correct your spelling
learning
future
goals
so that they can earn money
, save
their precious time.Correct word choice
and save
Submitted by deepamankaur208 on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the question and expresses a clear viewpoint, but the examples provided are general and could be more specific to thoroughly support the arguments. For instance, naming specific celebrities or detailing particular instances of young people imitating them would strengthen the points raised.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall clarity. For example, 'put badly impact' should be 'have a negative impact,' and 'ample of time' should be 'a lot of time.' It's important to proofread your work to catch such mistakes.
coherence cohesion
The linking words used are appropriate, but more variety in these connectors could improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, try to develop each idea more deeply. For example, expanding on how social media influences young people's spending habits with specific studies or data would provide a more in-depth discussion.
structure
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the main argument effectively.
content
The writer's passion about the topic is evident, and they provide clear reasons to support their viewpoint.
coherence
The main points are relevant to the task and well-sequenced, maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.