IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Reported 2017, Academic Test)

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In recent times, fashion and
money
Use synonyms
 have made celebrities more famous among youngsters than their achievements. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as it
put
Verb problem
apply
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badly
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 the new generation who is following famous personalities.
This
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 may highly encourage
young
Correct article usage
the young
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genration
Correct your spelling
generation
 to spend more
money
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 on fashion and makeup
instead
Linking Words
 of following those who did
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and accomplished higher
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society,
thus
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take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 them far from their
preofessional
Correct your spelling
professional
goals
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. The prime reason why I strongly agree with the aforementioned statement is youth, these days, are crazy about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media
such
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 as
instagram
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Instagram
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,
twiter
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twitter
 and
tiktok
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TikTok
. They not only follow their
favourites
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favourite
show examples
 personalities but
also
Linking Words
 copy their style in clothing and makeup. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
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 they spend their
money
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 on buying
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 stuff to look
alike
Correct your spelling
like
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 them.
Therefore
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, they do not save
money
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 for their
goals
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 and
further
Linking Words
 education to make achievements in
the
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apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
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, they waste
the
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apply
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ample
of
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apply
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time
in
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apply
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watching their reels, stories and
video
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videos
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 which can be devoted forwards learning new skills to achieve their
future
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goals
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.
Thus
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, youth is getting more attracted towards the
glomour
Correct your spelling
glamour
 and
money
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 holder people
instead
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 of achievement holder
personlaities
Correct your spelling
personalities
such
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 as
altheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
, cricketers.
Thus
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,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of interest in learning skills will
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 make them lazy and unambitious towards their
future
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 higher interest in social media's famous
peronalities
Correct your spelling
personalities
 youngster are becoming lazy, unambitious about
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future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 and spending their
money
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 and time.
Thus
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 they should more focus on
learnig
Correct your spelling
learning
 skills and work hard for their
future
Use synonyms
goals
Use synonyms
 so that they can earn
money
Use synonyms
,
save
Correct word choice
and save
show examples
 their precious time.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the question and expresses a clear viewpoint, but the examples provided are general and could be more specific to thoroughly support the arguments. For instance, naming specific celebrities or detailing particular instances of young people imitating them would strengthen the points raised.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall clarity. For example, 'put badly impact' should be 'have a negative impact,' and 'ample of time' should be 'a lot of time.' It's important to proofread your work to catch such mistakes.
coherence cohesion
The linking words used are appropriate, but more variety in these connectors could improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, try to develop each idea more deeply. For example, expanding on how social media influences young people's spending habits with specific studies or data would provide a more in-depth discussion.
structure
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the main argument effectively.
content
The writer's passion about the topic is evident, and they provide clear reasons to support their viewpoint.
coherence
The main points are relevant to the task and well-sequenced, maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
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