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Band 4.5

Life has become much more stressful compared to our parent's generation. As a result, stress-related illnesses are increasing around the world. Why is stress such widespread in the modern world and what do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress?

#life #parent #generation #illnesses #world #stress
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First of
all
Add a comma
all,
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 it is undeniable that the hard of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
 especially in the modern
world
 is one of the most challenging issues in the
world
 as
life
 has
turn
Wrong verb form
turned
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 into larger amounts of
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
 compared to our parent's generation.
Therefore
,stress-related diseases are rising all over the
world
.
Overall
,it can be obviously seen that there are a lot of causes and solutions both of them will be examined in the following paragraphs and
this
 essay will
analys
Correct your spelling
analyse
analyze
this
 issue with examples from reality to demonstrate points and support arguments.
According to
 what is noticed
that
Correct word choice
apply
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there are several causes of why
life
 has changed into greater amounts of
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
.
Firstly
,
over population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
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 led to
increasing
Replace the word
an increase in
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 the average of
noisy
Replace the word
noise
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 and
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
.As there are studies being performed on
global
Add an article
a global
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 level
such
 as those concerning
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
 in the modern
world
 to detect the source of those important issues,not only that but
also
,the functions become many and variety cause
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
,as numerous studies have consistently found that the
life
 in the modern
world
 is uncomfortable.
On the other hand
,there is a common belief that there are a lot of solutions.
At first
Change preposition
First
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,the government should assist people by constructure many interteatments places
thus
,I would strongly endorse
is
Verb problem
this as
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 the most common solution
in addition
 to that there is no doubt that there is another solution proposed by BBC is that people should avoid the
nois
Correct your spelling
noise
 and living in a quiet area.
Eventually
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Eventually,
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 it can be concluded that there are reasonable arguments,I firmly believe that public awareness would significantly assist people
to understand
Change preposition
in understanding
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 the
dimension
Fix the agreement mistake
dimensions
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 and aspects of the stressful in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
life
.
Submitted by mohammedsaad7322 on

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task achievement
You have identified and discussed some causes and solutions for the increase in stress-related illnesses, which shows a clear understanding of the task. However, make sure to use clear and precise language, and provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your ideas. Try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and consider using linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You have made a considerable effort to cover both causes and solutions, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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