IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, work and leisure activites. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relavant examples for your own knowledge and experience.

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Technology
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information
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 opens many ways of our lives
such
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 as
work
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 and leisure activities.
However
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, there were many benefits
information
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 social media.It is useful to use modern
technology
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. In
this
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 essay, the two viewpoints will be argued. On the one hand, it is believed by some
people
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 who use modern
technology
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 in their lives. The initial one to consider is that learning new
information
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technology
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 is useful.
In addition
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, when we have better
information
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 about jobs, we can improve yourself
such
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 as getting experience. A study published at New York University concluded that 90% of humans utilize modern ideas
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technology
Correct word choice
and technology
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 in
work
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 ,
for example
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, school and company.
Therefore
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,
work
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 and leisure activities there was an increase significant that was essential in life for
people
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.
On the other hand
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, other humans argue that modern
technology
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 has many disadvantages
of
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in
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 our lives. first of all,
people
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 waste much time utilising social media during different periods.
In other words
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, when boys and girls use modern
technology
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, they can't generate new friends
also
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 don't support amazing activities in life.
Moreover
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, the
technology
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information
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 has a lot of problems for the body
such
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 as the eyes, hands and
minds
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mind
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. In conclusion, modern
information
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was
Verb problem
has
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 changed and assisted
people
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 support their
work
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 and business. From my own personal point of view, a lot of citizens need more
information
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 about modern ideas. It is better to exchange our experience about
this
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 issue. If we used modern computers, we would get more
information
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.
People
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 should
development
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develop
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 educational
information
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.

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coherence
Work on organizing your paragraphs more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task
Support your points with more specific examples and details. For instance, you mentioned modern technology helping with jobs; you could provide a specific job role that has greatly benefited from technology.
coherence
Try to reduce repetition in your essay. For example, the phrases 'modern technology' and 'information technology' are used multiple times. Aim for more variety in your language use to maintain reader interest.
task
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which provides a balanced view and shows an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence
The conclusion summarizes your viewpoints and reinforces your main idea, which helps to clarify your position.
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