Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #profit #company #profits

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Oppinions

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Opinions

differ on who is responsible

to educate

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for educating

show examples

children

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about a healthy

diet

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. It is often argued that

this

Linking Words

is the job of

parents

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, whilst others disagree and think

teachers

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should be in charge of that task.

This

Linking Words

essay agrees that healthy eating habits

tought

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taught

parents

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are

show examples

the most beneficial method.

Parents

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spend the most amount

time

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of time

show examples

with their

children

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. Since they are born,

Children

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spend the first few years of their

life

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lives

show examples

closely with their

parents

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immidiately

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immediately

being influenced by

them

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their

show examples

decision

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decisions

show examples

in terms of every aspect of life including

the

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their

show examples

diet

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. Mothers and fathers are responsible for buying groceries or taking

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

lunch

order

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orders

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for their

children

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at school. It is

therefore

Linking Words

agreed that

parents

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should be the instance of education regarding eating healthy foods. Students in Australia are the prime example because they get provided with a lunch box that their mum or dad packed in the morning before school.

However

Linking Words

, many people disagree and feel that

teachers

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can be more

influencial

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influential

. The school, where students spend the majority of their day after the age of six, is already a learning environment and can be used to learn about healthy food.

Information

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The information

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taught by a teacher may remain longer in some memories and feels more official. Despite

this

Linking Words

, the curriculum is already packed with different other topics

such

Linking Words

as maths or literacy, and

this

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essay disagrees that

teachers

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should

be hold

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be held

show examples

accountable for that reason. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

the benefits of being educated about a proper healthy

diet

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parents

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particulary

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particularly

because

the

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they

show examples

have the biggest say regarding their

childrens'

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children's

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diet

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seems

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seem

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logical, some still feel that it is the job of

teachers

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to educate them.

However

Linking Words

, as long as we carefully consider the workload

teachers

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already have to

stam

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stress

and students

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

more time with their

parents

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in general, being taught about a proper by your

parents

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is clearly more important.

Submitted by philipp_becker on Mon Aug 05 2024

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Task Response

The essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument and clearly states a position. However, it would benefit from more detailed examples and further elaboration of points to strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay generally flows well and is logically structured. However, there are a few minor errors in language and sentence construction which impact overall readability. Careful proofreading and using varied sentence structures will help improve coherence and cohesion.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the arguments and the writer's position.

Task Response

The essay provides relevant points and examples, such as the lunch box example from Australia, which help to support the arguments made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Adaptable
Innovations
Breakthroughs
Deep industry knowledge
Mentors
Fostering
Workforce balance
Maximizing profits
Enthusiasm
Wisdom

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Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. 1. Why do some people work harder? 2. Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Some people sat that it is a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and/or weekends. Other people think it is important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.