Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Oppinions
differ on who is responsible Correct your spelling
Opinions
to educate
Change preposition
for educating
children
about a healthy diet
. It is often argued that this
is the job of parents
, whilst others disagree and think teachers
should be in charge of that task. This
essay agrees that healthy eating habits tought
by Correct your spelling
taught
parents
is
the most beneficial method.
Change the verb form
are
Parents
spend the most amount time
with their Change preposition
of time
children
. Since they are born, Children
spend the first few years of their life
closely with their Fix the agreement mistake
lives
parents
, immidiately
being influenced by Correct your spelling
immediately
them
Change the pronoun
their
decision
in terms of every aspect of life including Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
the
Change the word
their
diet
. Mothers and fathers are responsible for buying groceries or taking the
lunch Correct article usage
apply
order
for their Fix the agreement mistake
orders
children
at school. It is therefore
agreed that parents
should be the instance of education regarding eating healthy foods. Students in Australia are the prime example because they get provided with a lunch box that their mum or dad packed in the morning before school.
However
, many people disagree and feel that teachers
can be more influencial
. The school, where students spend the majority of their day after the age of six, is already a learning environment and can be used to learn about healthy food. Correct your spelling
influential
Information
taught by a teacher may remain longer in some memories and feels more official. Despite Add an article
The information
this
, the curriculum is already packed with different other topics such
as maths or literacy, and this
essay disagrees that teachers
should be hold
accountable for that reason.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
be held
while
the benefits of being educated about a proper healthy diet
by parents
, particulary
because Correct your spelling
particularly
the
have the biggest say regarding their Correct your spelling
they
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
diet
, seems
logical, some still feel that it is the job of Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
teachers
to educate them. However
, as long as we carefully consider the workload teachers
already have to stam
and students Correct your spelling
stress
spent
more time with their Wrong verb form
spend
parents
in general, being taught about a proper by your parents
is clearly more important.Submitted by philipp_becker on
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Task Response
The essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument and clearly states a position. However, it would benefit from more detailed examples and further elaboration of points to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay generally flows well and is logically structured. However, there are a few minor errors in language and sentence construction which impact overall readability. Careful proofreading and using varied sentence structures will help improve coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the arguments and the writer's position.
Task Response
The essay provides relevant points and examples, such as the lunch box example from Australia, which help to support the arguments made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.