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Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The presented line graph illustrates data about the number of
students
Use synonyms
 in
Iran
Use synonyms
,
Greece
Use synonyms
 and
Turkey
Use synonyms
 who entered Sheffield University over the period of the years 2005 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the proportion of Iranian and Turkish
students
Use synonyms
 was much higher in comparison with
Greece
Use synonyms
.
Iran
Use synonyms
 had the fastest growth, meanwhile,
Greece
Use synonyms
 experienced a decline over the period shown. In agreement with the line graph, in 2005 the biggest amount of graduates
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in
Greece
Use synonyms
 about 180 of them,
while
Linking Words
 in
Turkey
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Iran
Add a comma
Iran,
show examples
 the figures for
students
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 smaller 20 and 40 respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2007 the count of
students
Use synonyms
 in
Iran
Use synonyms
 and
Greece
Use synonyms
 was almost the same 70.
However
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
Turkey
Add a comma
Turkey,
show examples
 the count was about 90.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2009 the biggest count of
students
Use synonyms
 was in
Iran
Use synonyms
 about 160, and
then
Linking Words
 was
Turkey
Use synonyms
 nearly 120.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in
Greece
Use synonyms
was
Correct pronoun usage
there was
show examples
 the smallest number almost 40.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, iran, greece, turkey with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Enrolled
  • Enrollments
  • Trend
  • Steady increase
  • Initial increase
  • Decline
  • Sharp increase
  • Peaking
  • Noteworthy comparison
  • Contrasting trends
  • Period
  • Given period
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