IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#line #information #iranian #greek #turkish #students #sheffield #university #summarise #features #comparisons
The presented line graph illustrates data about the number of
students
 in
Iran
,
Greece
 and
Turkey
 who entered Sheffield University over the period of the years 2005 and 2009.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the proportion of Iranian and Turkish
students
 was much higher in comparison with
Greece
.
Iran
 had the fastest growth, meanwhile,
Greece
 experienced a decline over the period shown. In agreement with the line graph, in 2005 the biggest amount of graduates
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in
Greece
 about 180 of them,
while
 in
Turkey
 and
Iran
Add a comma
Iran,
show examples
 the figures for
students
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 smaller 20 and 40 respectively.
Furthermore
, in 2007 the count of
students
 in
Iran
 and
Greece
 was almost the same 70.
However
, in
Turkey
Add a comma
Turkey,
show examples
 the count was about 90.
Moreover
, in 2009 the biggest count of
students
 was in
Iran
 about 160, and
then
 was
Turkey
 nearly 120.
Nevertheless
, in
Greece
was
Correct pronoun usage
there was
show examples
 the smallest number almost 40.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, iran, greece, turkey with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Enrolled
  • Enrollments
  • Trend
  • Steady increase
  • Initial increase
  • Decline
  • Sharp increase
  • Peaking
  • Noteworthy comparison
  • Contrasting trends
  • Period
  • Given period
What to do next:
Look at other essays: