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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years, children should be taught
history
Use synonyms
 in school are
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 by many people,
in contrast
Linking Words
, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more useful for new
techonolg
Correct your spelling
technology in
everyday
life
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
history
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 is the most important subject
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
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apply
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school ,
although
Linking Words
 I agree learning
comparey
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compared
compare
company
 skilly has more
benefical
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beneficial
 for
youngest
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the youngest
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,
history
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 is
tour
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a tour
show examples
 background
which
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that
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 we can not avoid
it
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apply
show examples
. When students learn
history
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he
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they
show examples
ssould
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should
 visit
to
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apply
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the
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apply
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one or two
century
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centuries
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 ago
which
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apply
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he
or
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apply
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she
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they
show examples
 did not live
that
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at that
show examples
 moment. They can learn
backfrounf
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background
 mistakes from
the
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apply
show examples
history
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, why Azerbaijan had so many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 with Armanie
becouse
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because
 of
this
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 we forget our
history
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 and forgive them a lot. On
this
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 ground learning
history
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play
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plays
show examples
role
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a role
show examples
 in
learners
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learners'
learner's
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life
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, modern
life
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 does not depend only
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
history
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 which we can support
young
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the young
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 generation to learn and use
them
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apply
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for a new invention. Modern
life
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 changed to the new
techonolgy
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technology
 which
they
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apply
show examples
can replace
for
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apply
show examples
humans too. Their new
invetations
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innovations
 make new
step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
show examples
 for
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 .
Also
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, their new
techonolgy
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technology
 should bring some opportunities for
human`s
Change noun form
human
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, people will suffer from water in 2050 which we have to think about and make new solutions for
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, the alternative is here to keep balance is the best way to leach for pupils. If they learn
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of the time
history
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 they
shoul
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should
 live past time. They do not get any
succes
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success
of
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with
show examples
 modern
techonlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
. But If they forget their
bacground
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background
 they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
noot
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not
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 have any future. They connected with one another.
Conclusion
Al
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All
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 in all,
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apply
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to
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apply
show examples
giving them
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separate
seperate
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separate
 time and introducing them
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to
gow
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to
 they are important
Change preposition
in
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our lives will best way,
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 way, they are not complete all
Correct your spelling
their
theor
Correct your spelling
their
life
Use synonyms
.

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Structure
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to structure your essay clearly with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. Make use of transitional phrases such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
Development
For task achievement, ensure that each point is fully developed. For instance, when arguing that history is important, provide more specific examples of how historical knowledge can be applied in modern life. Similarly, when arguing for modern subjects, mention specific technologies or skills that can benefit students.
Language
Work on enhancing your vocabulary and grammatical range. This will help you articulate your points more clearly and effectively. For example, replace simple words with more precise and varied ones, and pay attention to verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion. You also provide your own opinion, which adds depth to the essay.
Clarity
You express clear and relevant ideas, such as the importance of history and the benefits of learning modern, technology-related subjects.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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