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Band 4.5

Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #history #schools #subjects #life
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, children should be taught
history
 in school are
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 by many people,
in contrast
, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more useful for new
techonolg
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technology in
everyday
life
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
history
 is the most important subject
to
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in
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the
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apply
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school ,
although
 I agree learning
comparey
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compared
compare
company
 skilly has more
benefical
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beneficial
 for
youngest
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the youngest
show examples
. On one hand,
history
 is
tour
Correct article usage
a tour
show examples
 background
which
Correct word choice
that
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 we can not avoid
it
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apply
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. When students learn
history
he
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they
show examples
ssould
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should
 visit
to
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apply
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the
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apply
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one or two
century
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centuries
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 ago
which
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apply
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he
or
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apply
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she
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 did not live
that
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at that
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 moment. They can learn
backfrounf
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background
 mistakes from
the
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apply
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history
.
For example
, why Azerbaijan had so many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 with Armanie
becouse
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because
 of
this
 we forget our
history
 and forgive them a lot. On
this
 ground learning
history
play
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plays
show examples
role
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a role
show examples
 in
learners
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learners'
learner's
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life
.
On the other hand
, modern
life
 does not depend only
for
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on
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history
 which we can support
young
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the young
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 generation to learn and use
them
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apply
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for a new invention. Modern
life
 changed to the new
techonolgy
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technology
 which
they
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apply
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can replace
for
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apply
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humans too. Their new
invetations
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innovations
 make new
step
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steps
show examples
 for
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
life
 .
Also
, their new
techonolgy
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technology
 should bring some opportunities for
human`s
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human
show examples
life
.
For instance
, people will suffer from water in 2050 which we have to think about and make new solutions for
this
 problem. In my opinion, the alternative is here to keep balance is the best way to leach for pupils. If they learn
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of the time
history
 they
shoul
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should
 live past time. They do not get any
succes
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success
of
Change preposition
with
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 modern
techonlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
. But If they forget their
bacground
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background
 they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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noot
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not
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 have any future. They connected with one another.
Al
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All
show examples
 in all,
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apply
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to
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apply
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giving them
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separate
seperate
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separate
 time and introducing them
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to
gow
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to
 they are important
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in
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
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 our lives will best way,
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 way, they are not complete all
Correct your spelling
their
theor
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their
life
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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Structure
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to structure your essay clearly with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea or argument. Make use of transitional phrases such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
Development
For task achievement, ensure that each point is fully developed. For instance, when arguing that history is important, provide more specific examples of how historical knowledge can be applied in modern life. Similarly, when arguing for modern subjects, mention specific technologies or skills that can benefit students.
Language
Work on enhancing your vocabulary and grammatical range. This will help you articulate your points more clearly and effectively. For example, replace simple words with more precise and varied ones, and pay attention to verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion. You also provide your own opinion, which adds depth to the essay.
Clarity
You express clear and relevant ideas, such as the importance of history and the benefits of learning modern, technology-related subjects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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